Your Guardian Angel
by ScaryBones
Summary: The boys all have problems, but they also have each other. Stary and K2! Multi-chapter fic. Rated M now.
1. No Homework (Stan)

**Okay, I've been planning this story for a while now. In fact, it's probably the only story I've actually planned out since the StanxButters one I've written...**

**Oh well. This is going to be a Stary (Stan/Gary) and a K2 fic. It's gonna have a lot of different POVs, like this chapter will be Stan's point of view, the next will probably be Kyle's.**

**I got the title from the song by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. :D**

**Hopefully, it won't take me a year to finish this XD. And I'll try to update as often as I can. **

**:) less than three, Scarybones**

**Stan's POV**

xxx

I don't know why my parents hate each other. Usually they're actually pretty loving toward each other, except when they fight. God, that is the _worst_ time to be in the house. Especially if I have to show them my grades (currently I have a D in math). When they argue, my dad's usually drunk and talking nonsense, and my mom will either yell and scream, or get listless and just lie around the house.

She's currently in her sleep-for-days mode, and as I walk out the door to go to school, I kiss her cheek. "Bye, Mom."

She mumbles as a reply and I don't bother to ask her what she said, because she's already asleep again. I head out the door and get into my car. I text Kenny and tell him to come outside. He lives right next door to me, and doesn't have a ride to school (besides the bus), so it's only logical that I take him to school with me.

He comes out of his house and races toward my car.

"Hey, dude," he greets, throwing his backpack onto the floorboard. Actually, it's Kyle's old backpack from last year. He gave it to Kenny the day before school started, seeing as Kenny doesn't have money to go school shopping. "Did you do Mr. Fillmon's homework?"

"Damnit, no." I couldn't really concentrate on it yesterday. My parents were having a shouting war, and it's really hard to focus on economic graphs when your dad's yelling about how your mom never has sex with him anymore. In that situation, me doing my homework is like Cartman running a triathlon: impossible.

"Really? Damn, I was gonna ask if I could copy it," Kenny says. I chuckle.

"Too bad Kyle's in the AP class; we could have borrowed his."

"Yeah," Kenny says. "Except he'd probably give us a huge lecture about making good study habits and time management. He's way too much like his mother, I swear."

That's so true, it's not even funny. Kyle's always talking about how we need to buckle down, because "this is our senior year, and colleges are gonna see if you slacked off."

"But it's kinda nice having someone care about us like that, you know?" Kenny asks. I nod. "I mean, it's nice that he watches over me. My parents..."

He stops there and I don't pry. It's no secret that Kenny has a bad home life, and it's one of the very few things he's sensitive about, so I never nag him about not talking about it. I decide to change the subject back to Kyle. "So, you guys wanna hang out with me and Gary after school? We're going to the mall. Gary's gotta buy his sister a birthday present."

Kenny leans back in his seat. "Yeah, I guess. Kyle's probably gonna throw a fit about having to change his study time, but whatever." We both laugh at that, because we know it's true.

We finally get to school, and Kenny immediately goes to the library, where we know Kyle is. The redhead comes to school _early_ just so he can get extra study time. Plus, he also has a love affair with books. I leave Kenny and him alone, since they're kind of dating. Kyle says that he loves Kenny, but calling Kenny his boyfriend just seems weird. So they're in a relationship, but they're not. I mean, they don't fool around with other people, but Kyle's just uncomfortable with the _word_ boyfriend.

I head, instead to the cafeteria, where I know Gary's gonna be. He usually hangs out with the kids who are most like him; the ones who don't drink, do drugs, or have sex. I find him in the center of them, but I hang out near the door of the cafeteria, hoping he'll look up soon and see me. We don't really want people finding out about us, since he's mormon and it's kind of against his religion. And my parents have enough going on that I don't want to add any more stress to their lives.

He finally notices me standing there after five minutes of me standing in the doorway looking like an idiot. He tells his friends something and heads my way. I go into the hallway to wait for him, so it doesn't seem too suspicious.

"Hey, Stan," he says as soon as he comes into the hallway. He smiles and I really want to kiss him.

"Hey," I say, and look around. The hallway's not too crowded, but there's too much of a chance we'll get caught if I kiss him right now. "You wanna walk around?" That's our code for, 'Do you wanna go to the bathroom so we can kiss?' He blushes slightly and nods.

As we head toward the bathroom, he tells me about his family's latest volunteer project. "We cleaned the road leading into South Park," he says. "It looks so much better than it did before."

"Well, next time I leave South Park, I'll look at it," I say, and he laughs because I haven't left South Park for years.

"Oh, did you ask your friends if they're coming to the mall with us?"

"Yeah, they're coming."

"Cool." He seems really excited about this. I know he wants my friends to like him, but Kyle and Kenny still aren't sure of him because of the whole incident in fourth grade.

We finally make it to the bathroom and I check to make sure no one's in the bathroom before I stand next to him. "All clear."

He leans down and kisses me gently on the lips. I put my arms around him and we just sort of stand there hugging. We've only been dating for a week, so we're kind of new at this. This is my first time in a relationship with a dude, and this is his first relationship _period_. He starts humming some song that sounds like he learned it at church and I chuckle.

We finally separate because we hear the door opening and I pretend like I was washing my hands while Gary starts heading for the door. I sigh in relief when I see it's just Kenny. "I thought I'd find you guys in here. Ooh, am I interrupting something?" I roll my eyes and Gary blushes, stepping away from the door and coming back to stand next to me. Kenny gives us a cheeky smile. "Oh yeah, I forgot to ask. Um, is it all right if Karen comes to the mall with us?" He seems less chipper now, almost concerned.

"Dude, of course," I answer. "She can help pick out Amanda's present. They're only a few years apart, right?" Kenny bringing Karen along isn't unusual. The blonde's extremely protective of his little sister, and she's gone with us to the movies, malls, and even a couple parties. We don't mind her coming along because she's usually quiet and so sweet to everyone.

Kenny visibly relaxes and smiles. "Awesome." And that's that. He turns around and leaves the bathroom again. The bell rings. Gary and I exchange a brief kiss before we part to our separate classes. I catch up with Kenny and we head to Mr. Fillmon's class.

Mr. Fillmon's the type of teacher who just sits in the back of the class and puts on movies that have almost nothing to do about Economics. He recently hurt his back playing golf, so he uses his students as crutches when he walks down the aisle, collecting homework. Kenny and I share an anxious look as he starts down our aisle. "Homework, boys?" he asks. We shake our heads, and he presses down hard on our shoulders as he moves ahead to ask for Craig and Clyde's homework. At least he doesn't lecture us.

"For all the kids who didn't bring in their homework I assigned yesterday, please stay a few minutes after class."

Maybe I spoke too soon.

**xxx**

**Next chapter is Kyle's POV. :)**


	2. Paper Dolls (Kyle)

**It's so bad how long I wait to update stories. Like, I've had this chapter ready to write since last week, but I procrastinate so much, it's not even funny.**

**Like right now, I'm listening to the Bed Intruder Song instead of focusing. XD**

**Anyways.**

**Kyle's POV**

**xxx**

When Kenny told me that Stan wanted us to go to the mall with him, I was actually a little excited. It's been so long since we've hung out together, and I desperatly needed an excuse to not study for my calculus test I have in a week.

"He's bringing the mormon," Kenny adds, swinging an arm around me. And like that, the excitement is gone. I mean, I guess Gary's okay, but I don't see why he has to come with us. As if he's reading my thoughts, Kenny says, "Gary needs to get a present for his sister or something. Don't make that face, babe, you look like you're in pain."

I blush at the 'babe' but shake my head. "It's just that I thought it would only be us and Stan."

"What, and he just sits there and watches us make out the whole time?" Kenny laughs. "I don't think he'd invite us to be a third wheel, Kyle."

"Well, he still creeps me out," I say. Even so, I'm starting to get excited again. At least I'm getting out of my house. Even Kenny seems relieved he doesn't have to come to my house and watch me do my homework for a couple hours. It's not my fault I have so much work; AP classes are demanding. I know I should hang out with them more often, though, because it _is_ our senior year and it'll be hard to all get together if we get accepted into different colleges. I'm actually hoping for an out-of-state university, one of the more prestigious ones, too. Meanwhile, Stan's got his heart set on Colorado University, and Kenny says he's gonna go to a trade school to learn video production to "make pornos, dude." His words, not mine.

So I'm a little upset that Gary's coming because I want to have as much time with Stan and Kenny as possible before college comes, and I'm afraid Gary's going to distract Stan.

"Thinking about quantum physics?" Kenny jokes. I swear, that's all him and Stan joke about with me. "That's how people get tumors." I just laugh and shake my head, not even bothering to tell him how messed up his mind is.

He leans close to me and kisses me gently on the lips, and I smile into it because the experience is still so new to me. We started dating only like, a month ago, and I still can't call him my boyfriend. It's not that I have commitment issues, it's just that the words "Kenny" and "boyfriend" have forever been so far away in my mind that it's taking a while for the two to come together.

"You wanna head over to Stan's car before he has a litter of kittens because we're late?" Kenny asks, and I nod. Our hands entwine and we walk out of the bathroom, where we go after school for quick affection.

"You think Stan'll kiss him in front of us?" I ask along the way. Kenny glances at me.

"Are you jealous that Stan has a boyfriend, Kyle?" he asks. I blush and mumble a 'no'. "Just because he has someone else to talk to doesn't mean you're not gonna be his best friend anymore."

Wow, Kenny's good at this kind of thing. I guess that's part of the reason I fell for him. That, and the fact that he is a terribly good flirt. When Kenny falls for someone, they end up at least having sex with him. So far, we haven't really done anything (Kenny says I'm different), and I'm okay with that for the time being. I can barely kiss the guy without blushing, I can't even imagine unzipping his jeans.

We push through the hall doors into the outside world and head for the parking lot. I see Stan and Gary immediatly; Stan's leaning against his car, laughing at something Gary's saying. The blonde is talking excitedly and making all these hand movements. Stan leans toward him and is about to kiss him, I think, when Gary spots us and waves. My super best friend jumps at least a foot into the air before turning around and relaxing as soon as he sees it's us.

"Jesus, you guys scared me," he says. Gary gives him a look when he says "Jesus", but then laughs it off.

"Sorry," Kenny says, hopping onto the back of the car and sitting. "Just trying to keep you on your toes. You know how Clyde's been video-taping everything he sees lately."

"God, I can only imagine," I say. "So, are we going to stay in the parking lot like losers, or are we going to the mall?"

We get into Stan's car, and a small pang of jealousy goes through me when Gary takes shotgun. I shouldn't be jealous at all. I mean, I've got Kenny back here, but I guess I'm so used to riding shotgun when Stan drives.

We're about to pull out of his horrible parking spot, when something bangs on my side of the window. "Ey! Assholes, where're you going?"

Great. _Great_. Just what I need.

Stan rolls down his window. "What do you want, Cartman?"

"I thought you were giving me a fucking ride home, that's what!" the obese teen shouts. Stan sighs.

"Oh yeah, I forgot," he says, and looks back, offering me an apologetic glance. He knows I hate Cartman beyond all reason. "Get in."

"Move over, Jew," Cartman says, opening my door. I scoot close to Kenny, who's moved to the other side of the car.

"God, have you gained weight, Cartman?" I ask. "Will the seatbelt even fit around you?"

"Shut your goddamn jew mouth, Kahl!" he shouts, struggling to fasten his seatbelt. I look forward at Stan, who's leaning his head on the steering wheel. Gary's looking uncomfortable, probably because of all the swearing and hatred. "Alright, go."

Stan pulls out of his parking space, and the whole car is silent. There really isn't that much to talk about, especially in front of Cartman. Kenny's the only one who's fully outed, so he could talk about his latest sex adventures, but then he hasn't had any sex in at least a month. I'm afraid if I open my mouth, I'll say something that would get Cartman suspicious about my sexuality.

"So, do you wanna drop Cartman off first and then pick up Karen?" Stan asks to no one in particular, probably to break the heavy silence.

"What do you mean, 'drop Cartman off'?" Cartman asks. "Where are you fags going?"

"To the mall," Kenny answers. "To get his sister a birthday present." He nods his head in Gary's direction, and it seems like Cartman's just noticed he was in the car.

"What? Why's that fag in here?" Cartman asks.

Gary turns around and offers him a smile. "Stan's taking me to the mall to get my sister-"

"Yeah, I know, stupid," Cartman interrupts, and I clench my teeth. Even though I don't like Gary, I like him more than Cartman. "What I meant was, why is _Stan_ taking you? Why doesn't your cult family take you? Don't you understand how much we hate you?"

"Cartman, _stop_," Stan says, and his hands are clenched on the steering wheel.

I can already tell this is going to be an interesting car ride.

**xxx**

**Another chapter done!**

**Sorry they're so short. **

**Cartman's POV next chapter!**


	3. Mr Kitty (Cartman)

**Chapter Three!**

**Cartman's POV**

**xxx**

How dare they not invite me to the mall with them! After all I've done for them, seriously! Oh, well. Since I know they're not going to invite me, I'll just bug them as much as I can while the hippie drives me home.

I decide to start with the jew first. I lean into him slightly. "So, how's your nerd classes going?"

"Cartman, please don't talk to me," he says, gritting his teeth. I chuckle.

"Why? Are you failing all your smarty classes? I knew you couldn't keep up with them. Since when have jews ever passed an AP class?" I ask.

"_Cartman_," the hippie hisses. I see the mormon put a hand on his shoulder. What fags.

"What? I'm just speaking the truth."

"You've never told the truth, Cartman!" Kyle shouts. Finally got a rise out of him. "All you talk about is lies you make up on the spot! You have a pyschotic problem, you dumbass. You need serious mental health!"

"Wow, someone's on their period."

"Shut up!"

Stan turns down a road that's not the way to my house or the mall. "Uh, hey fag, you're going the wrong way."

"No I'm not," he says. "We're going to pick up Kenny's sister."

"Aw, how sweet, Kenny still lets his sister tag along," I say, and reach over to pinch Kenny's cheek. "Don't want daddy to beat her up while you're gone?"

The car stops abruptly and I crash into the driver's seat.

"Ey, asshole, warn me next time!"

I feel a sharp pain on my cheek and stars appear. When my focus comes back, I see that poor piece of crap wiping blood off his knuckle.

"What the hell! Kenny, did you just punch me?" I stare at him in angry disbelief. "That asshole just punched me!"

"Cartman, get out!" Stan shouts.

"My house is still a couple blocks away, stupid."

"Get out!"

"Let me hit him again!" Kenny shouts, but the jew is holding him back.

"Kenny, stop, just let it go!"

"Cartman, _out_."

"Alright, Jesus, don't have a fit," I say, and get out. To my surprise, Stan gets out, too. "What, I'm out!"

"I'm gonna kick your ass, Cartman."

"No you're not!" Kyle and the Mormon say.

"Listen to your boyfriends, Stan, and get back in the car," I say, and I swear he blushes.

"Get in the car, Stan!" Kyle yells, and Stan finally gives up.

"Yeah, we wouldn't want you to get blood all over your shirt, now would we?" I ask as he slams his door.

"It'd be your blood, fatass."

And they drive away. Whatever.

I curse the whole way to my house, kicking the door open. "Mom?" I call, already knowing she won't be here. Who's gonna get me Cheesy Poofs?

'Great, I have to do everything myself around here.'

I grab a bowl from the cupboard and look at it for a minute before putting it back. I'll just eat the whole bag of Cheesy Poofs. However, when I look for them, they aren't there.

"Damnit, Mom! You got a daytime job so we'd have more money for my food! What good is having a second job if you never go shopping anymore?"

I flop down on the couch, angry.

"Stupid Mom."

I turn the TV on but all they're playing is reruns of Terrance and Phillip, so I turn it off again.

_Meow._

Mr. Kitty jumps up into my lap. "What, Mr. Kitty? Can't you see I'm in a bad mood?"

_Meow._

"See what Kenny did to me today?" I show the cat my cheek. "He got all mad about nothing. Probably because he's poor; people who live in poverty are more sensitive than others."

Mr. Kitty rubs her face against my chin.

"Are you hungry, too, Mr. Kitty? Well, too bad. Mom hasn't gone shopping yet."

_Meow._

"There's no food, Mr. Kitty!" I yell. "Mom doesn't care about us anymore. In fact, the only person she cares about anymore is her boyfriend."

Mr. Kitty cocks her head at me.

"The guy who kicked you last night, Mr. Kitty! And he always steps on your paws, and ruffles my hair like it's cute. What am I, five? I'm eighteen for god's sake!" I breathe angrily. "I know what we should do! We should move out, Mr. Kitty. I just need to get a job. Then we'll buy our own food and we won't have to worry about not having any food because our Mom doesn't love us anymore."

Mr. Kitty purrs.

"As soon as I get enough money, we're getting out of here."

I guess I fell asleep then, because I wake up to a dark room. Mr. Kitty's sleeping on my chest, and I can hear my mom in the kitchen.

"Mom, did you get food?" I call out.

"Your mom's not here."

"Great, it's you."

He laughs.

Jerk.

This is child abuse.

xxx

Sorry the chapters are so short, the next one will be long, I swear!

Gary's POV is next. :)


	4. Barbies? (Gary)

**Gary's POV. :)**

**xxx**

"Stan, are you okay?" I ask, putting my hand on his shoulder. "You're all tense."

His hands clench around the steering wheel as he pulls into Kenny's driveway. "Go grab Karen, Kenny." He looks at me. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Kenny runs to his house and sneaks inside. "So, this is Kenny's house?" I ask, deciding to change the subject. I hear Kyle cough behind me, and since Stan is just sitting looking dazed, I direct the question at him instead.

"Yeah, he's kinda poor," Kyle answers.

"Well, at least he's got his family," I offer, but Kyle glares at me. I regret opening my mouth. "sorry, I didn't mean to say anything like that. I just assumed... I didn't mean to offend you."

I look to Stan for help and he finally snaps out of his daze. "Dude, Ky, why are you so worked up?"

"Me? You're the one who almost beat up Cartman. Don't you think that would be my job, Stan? I'm his boyfriend, not _you_," Kyle snaps. "Don't you know how that made me feel? I'm the one who should be standing up for him, not you! That makes me look like I don't care enough about him."

"Sorry, Kyle, but I was upset, too," Stan says. "I couldn't control myself, alright? I hate it as much as you do when he's talking like that about Kenny, and I was just so shocked that he'd even do it with Kenny sitting right there! I just..."

He stops talking because Kenny's out of the house, his sister in tow. She looks excited to be coming. Stan and Kyle relax at this, and smile at each other. I guess they've forgiven each other. It makes me calm down, too. I was worried they were going to argue the whole way to the mall.

"Hey, Karen," Kyle greets when the two siblings get into the backseat.

"Hi, Kyle," she says. "How's Ike?"

Kenny and Kyle exchanged a smile at this and then Kyle answers. "He's fine. He wants you to come over soon, actually."

"He does?" Karen blushes. Kenny starts chuckling, and Karen elbows him. "It's not funny, Kenny! I only like him as a friend!"

Kenny puts on a serious face and nods, although he starts laughing silently when she turns back to Kyle.

"Tell him I'll call him tonight."

"Alright. He'll be thrilled."

"Hey, Karen," I say, deciding to get her opinion. "What do you think a ten-year-old girl might like for her birthday?"

She looks at me like she's just realized I was in the car. "Um, well, when I was ten, Kenny used to make me these dolls out of paper. He even cut some of his hair off and glued it to the dolls to make them look more real." Kenny blushes.

Stan chuckles and looks at me. "So, Barbies, then?"

"They won't be as good as paper dolls," Karen insists. I nod.

"Yeah, I like that idea," I say. "Stan can help me make them later." I say this almost teasingly and he smiles and blushes.

"Sure."

It's a little while before we turn into the mall's parking lot. The whole drive there I hear giggles coming from Kyle and Kenny, groans from Karen, and chuckles from Stan, who keeps looking towards me and smiling every once in a while. About halfway to the mall, I gather the nerve to put my hand on his thigh. He blushes deeply and smiles.

"Someone wake me up when we get there," Kenny says. Stan looks back at him through the rear-view mirror.

"We're almost there."

"I know, but parking's gonna be a bitch."

Stan rolls his eyes and the mall comes into sight. The parking lot isn't that full, but all the spots near the front are taken. "Well, we'll park back here. It'll be a long walk, but I don't really feel like dealing with traffic."

Kenny sighs. "Whatever. You're just putting more strain on Kyle's back."

"What are you talking about?" Kyle asks, confused. "I don't have a bad back."

"You will if you have to give me a piggy-back ride all the way across this parking lot."

**xxx**

**Ugh, this chapter shouldn't have taken this long to do. **


	5. Malling (Kenny)

**I tried to make this chapter long (I have the story written in a noteook, I just add extra details when I type it out) so here it is.**

**Kenny's POV 3**

**xxx**

I'm upset I didn't get to sleep on the way to the mall - all the drama and the fact that Stan pushes the speed limit like he's driving away from a hurricane - but I'll be fine. All week I've been living off only three-to-four hours of sleep a night. It's hard to will yourself to fall asleep when your parents are fighting in the other room and your little sister has just cried herself to sleep. It makes me want to drag out the old Mysterion costume and teach them a lesson.

So, in other words, a little sleep would have been good. But whatever, I'll survive.

Besides, the fact that I've got Karen out of the house _and_ I get to spend time with a certain jew makes this day so much better than I thought it would be when I woke up this morning.

So with this in mind, I practically leap out of the car and run toward the mall. "Hurry up, you guys are _slow_!"

"I thought you wanted a piggy-back ride!" Kyle yells, and I stop.

"Serious? You're not just playing with me?" I ask. He laughs and motions for me to jump on his back. I squeal in delight and hop on. "Am I heavy?"

"Are you kidding me? You're heavier than Cartman, I bet," he jokes. "Nah, you probably weigh as much as Ike, dude."

"Thanks, you make me feel so manly, babe."

He just scoffs and starts heading for the mall. I debate whether or not to yell, "Mush!" but I decide against it. I don't want to push my luck.

I crawl off him outside the entrance, partly because I know he doesn't want to look suspicious, and partly because his back is about to give out.

"Alright, so where to first?" Stan asks. I jump up and down excitedly, then stop, because I am a man, but then I realize I don't care and start to jump up and down again.

"Ooh! Ooh! Spencer's! They have a shot glass that says 'Hello Titties'," I say, and start running toward the store. They walk behind me and by the time they enter the store, I'm already at the counter with my shot glasses.

"Really, Kenny?" Karen asks. I shrug.

"What? I still like boobs," I defend myself. "Just because I'm dating a dude doesn't mean I suddenly aren't interested in chicks anymore."

Kyle looks around the store and blushes at almost everything he sees. "Are those fake boobs over there?" he asks.

"Where?" I say excitedly. He laughs.

"Wow, Kenny, anything to see any sort of female anatomy," he jokes.

"Hey, I like guy junk, too!"

"I'm leaving before this conversation gets gross," he says. "And hurry up, Stan's out there with Gary because the first thing Gary saw when he walked in was a half-naked girl."

"Alright, alright, I just need to pay for this."

I throw some money I earned from my job at the Wall-Mart on the counter and wait for my change.

"So where now?" I ask as soon as I'm out of the store.

"Isn't there a craft place around here?" Stan asks. "We can get the stuff for the dolls there."

I look around. "Hmm, nope. The mall's for teenagers and not old ladies so I doubt there's gonna be a craft-"

"There it is!" Gary says, and starts heading towards it. Karen runs to it, seeing the glittery fabric in the window.

The place looks like an old lady store, but I walk in, just in case Karen wants to get something. It smells like old rose perfume, and I realize why: The only staff in this place are middle-to-old aged women. In fact, the only other young person in here is Butters.

He sees us immediately and smiles. "Hey, fellas! You here to apply for a job?"

"Do you work here, Butters?" Kyle asks.

"Yeah, it's so fun! The old women are so nice to me, and I get discounts on everything in here!"

Gary smiles. "Can you help us find supplies to make paper dolls, then?"

"I sure can! Come this way," the feminine blonde leads Stan and Gary toward the back of the store, while I stay near the front. Karen's looking at a 50-pack of markers longingly.

"Do you want them?" I ask. She bites her lip, and I take that as a nervous yes. "Come on, it's no problem."

She smiles and grabs them off the shelf. We head to the cashier together, and I give the overly-cheery lady at the counter twenty dollars.

"Thank you so much, Kenny!" she cries as soon as they're paid for and hugs me tightly. I smile down at her and hug her back. She pulls away and starts looking at all the colors she now has. I feel someone hug me from behind and I jump until I hear Kyle's voice.

"That was really sweet, what you did," he says. "I love seeing that side of you."

I chuckle and hope my blush isn't showing. "Heh, that was nothing. I just want to make her happy."

"And that's the sweetest thing you can do...babe."

I turn around in our hug and quickly kiss him; I'm so happy he finally called me an affectionate name. I don't worry about anyone seeing us like this because what teenager goes into a craft store?

"Thanks, Butters."

Kyle and I pull away as Stan, Gary, and Butters come toward us.

Gary pays for the merchandise, against Stan's protests. "I'll pay for them, Gary."

"No, it's fine, Stan." The blonde smiles and Stan gives in.

"You guys wanna get something to eat?" I ask, because I can hear my stomach growling and I'm sure Karen's doing no better.

They all murmur in agreement and we head for the food court.

"What do you want to eat, Karen?" I ask. "We can share it, if you want."

She smiles up at me and heads for a pizza place. I follow, chuckling. She's crazy for pizza. I motion for Kyle to follow, and he does, giving me that same 'You're so sweet' look.

We order just a plain pepperoni pizza, Karen's favorite, while Kyle gets a slice of cheese pizza, muttering things like, "not kosher", "mom will have a cow", and "I like cheese".

We sit down at a table near a secluded spot of the food court and hope Stan and Gary can find us. "There they are," Kyle says, pointing towards a Subway. "Over here!" The two come over to the table and sit down next to each other.

"What'd you get?" I ask.

"A foot-long sub," Stan answers. "It was only five dollars and this way, we'll each have six inches."

I burst out laughing at this. It takes Stan only a couple seconds to get what I'm laughing about and he puts his head down on the table . Gary blushes deeply and puts his hand on Stan's shoulder.

"Come on, Stan," he says nervously. "You don't know how long it's been since they cleaned the table. You'll get sick if you keep your face there."

I can't help it and start laughing again. There are tears running down my face I'm laughing so hard. Kyle pats my back and tells me to "calm down, it wasn't that funny, you moron."

This is why I love my friends.

**xxx**


	6. You Make Me Feel Less Sad (Stan)

**Stan's POV**

**xxx**

Karen and Kenny are going to hang with Kyle, so I drop all three of them off at his house. "You want me to drop you off at home, or you wanna hang out some more?" I ask Gary. He chuckles.

"Well, I was hoping you could help me make these," he says, and motions toward the bag of stuff we got from the craft store.

"Oh yeah," I say. "Duh. You wanna go to my house to do it, then? I don't know if your sister's gonna be there or what, so my house will be safe."

He nods. "Alright."

I drive to my house, and turn dangerously into the driveway, almost hitting my dad's car. "You wanna work at the kitchen table or go up to my room...?"

"Wherever is fine."

I decide to lead him to my room, because my parents are bound to come home from work any minute and I really don't want to be embarrassed by them. Well, my dad's the one I have to be careful of, but still. What if they start fighting? In fact, I'm surprised my mom's still not lying on the couch like she was this morning when I left for school. God, if she was still there, I would've had to make up some lie to Gary about her being sick or something. And I'm pretty sure he's never lied to me, so I don't want to be the one to start.

I instantly regret bringing him up to my room, because I know there's a bunch of clothes and papers scattered all around it. "Uh...there was a hurricane in my room yesterday, so...watch your step."

I open the door, praying none of my private stuff is lying around. Of course, the first thing I see when I walk in is a large pile of my underwear. I try to determine whether or not I should kick it out of the way, but then decide not to bring attention to it.

"Um, let me clear out a space on the floor," I say, and begin pushing things around so there is a clean circle on the floor. "Heh, I forgot my carpet was that color," I joke, and sit down inside the circle. Gary sits down across from me and dumps the bag between us.

"So, how should we start?" he asks, looking at all the papers, markers, yarn, and a bunch of other random things we could decorate a doll with.

"Cutting out the bodies, I guess."

"Do you have scissors?"

"Um..." I get up and head for the door. "I'll get the ones from the kitchen." I _know_ I'm not gonna find the ones in my room. While I'm downstairs searching through the drawers I pray that Gary doesn't see anything in my room that would make him not like me anymore or gross him out. Like, I know for a fact that there is a moldy sandwich somewhere in my room, and I never did get rid of some of the pictures of Wendy and I.

These thoughts make me search even faster and I almost cut myself when I do find the scissors. I run up the stairs, letting him know I'm coming by my loud footsteps. I burst in through the doorway and look at him. He's still sitting there, comparing the color of two sheets of construction paper. He looks up when I enter the room.

"Hey."

"I got the scissors." I sit down across from him again and hand him the tool.

"You shouldn't run with scissors, Stan." I laugh.

We spend around an hour cutting out dolls, gluing yarn and cut-out dresses onto them, and drawing on faces with markers. By the time we're finished, it's dark outside. My parents came home a while ago but didn't come see if I was here or not. I can hear the news on downstairs, so I assume they're watching TV.

"These look really great," Gary says, spreading the dolls out in front of him. We admire them for a few minutes before I get up to stretch.

"My legs are numb," I say to break the silence. He looks at them and nods, as if he can see the numbness. "You wanna stay for dinner?" I pray my mom's making dinner.

"You sure?" he asks.

"Yeah. I'll go ask my mom what we're having," I say. I grab the scissors and head towards the door. "Be right back."

I jog down the stairs and rush into the kitchen. "Hello, Stanley."

"Hey, mom," I say. I'm relieved she's cooking. "Is it alright if my friend stays for dinner?"

"I've been looking for those!" she says, and takes the scissors from me. She cuts open a bag of frozen carrots. "Who? Is it Kenny again? You know he's always welcome, Stan, you don't have to ask."

"It's not Kenny," I say. "Remember when I was younger and I met that mormon kid and dad made us become Mormons?"

"Oh, _that_ kid. What was his name again, Gregory?"

"Gary," I correct. God, I would never invite Gregory to dinner.

"Oh. Is he here?"

"Yeah. He's up in my room."

"Well, tell him he's welcome to stay," she says, and I'm so happy her mood has bettered since this morning.

"Thanks, mom." I start to leave, then decide to test the waters. "Are you and dad...?"

"Yes, we're fine, Stanley."

"Cool." I rush back up the stairs and open my door. Gary's talking on his phone, and smiles when he sees me.

"I love you, too," he says. "Bye."

"So?" I ask.

"Yeah, I'll stay."

"Cool."

I listen as he talks about his family and how next week they're all going down to the soup kitchen. I admire the way he talks about them - like he really loves them and actually enjoys spending time with them. I can't add anything to the conversation, because I hate my sister, my dad's embarrassing, and my mom's kind of crazy. But I like listening to him talk, because he's so _passionate_ about them. His eyes are all lit up and he's moving his hands everywhere, just talking about how last week his older brother came down to South Park (he's married and in Utah) and played a scene from _Hamlet_.

After a while he stops talking and just sits there thinking. By this time I'm laying down on my bed with my eyes closed. I'm almost falling asleep from the silence, but I feel him lie down next to me. This is the first time we've both been lying on my bed together.

"Are you sleeping?" he whispers, and I can feel his breath on my neck.

"Almost." I turn so I'm facing him. He slowly puts his arm around me, hesitating a little. I shift closer and press my lips against his. "I gotta stay up for dinner, though."

"Did you find out what your mom's making?"

"Damn, I forgot," I say. "Something with carrots, though, 'cause she used the scissors to open the bag."

"That's fine," he says, and kisses me. I'm about to move my hands to his hair when I hear my doorknob turn.

"Shit!" I yell, and throw him off the bed, to my horror.

"Um..." my dad says, just staring at us for a while. "Your mother says it's time for dinner."

"Jesus Christ, Dad, haven't you ever heard of knocking?" I yell. I turn to Gary, who's rubbing his shoulder, where he must've landed. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I help him up and shoot daggers at my dad, who's still standing at the door like he has no clue what just happened. Which is probably a good thing.

"Alright, dad, you can go," I say in a calmer tone. "We're coming down."

"...Kay." And he leaves.

"Are you sure you're alright?" I ask, because now he's moving his arm like he's making sure it still works. "I didn't mean to freaking send you halfway across the room."

"It's okay," he says, and smiles. "But do you think you can warn me next time you decide you don't want to kiss?" I laugh at his joke and extend my arm to help him up.

"Alright, so...dinner?"

We head downstairs, and I try to sit in a place where Gary won't be by my dad. He ends up sitting next to my mom, and I pray she doesn't do anything to embarrass me.

"So, Gregory, how's school?" I am so depressed that I put my head down on the table and pray for the sweet release of death. But Gary takes it all in good humor.

"It's Gary," he says, and gives her that toothpaste commercial smile. "School's really great. I'm taking a lot of honor classes this year, so the workload's pretty heavy, but I like the challenge."

"Oh, that's great! Stan's been having trouble in math lately, maybe he could use a tutor," my mom says, and I'm just happy she thinks so highly of Gary. I relax as she passes around the food, because it's hard to talk when you're eating, so maybe this dinner will go by quietly and without anymore embarrassment.

"So, you and your family still mormon?" my dad asks, and all hope is gone. I put my head in my hands as Gary answers 'yes.' My dad leans back in his seat and stares at the blonde for a while.

"Aren't you hungry, Dad?" I ask, praying he'll quit looking at my secret boyfriend like he just crawled out of the ocean. My plan fails however.

"So, you still believe in that Joseph Smith guy?"

"Oh, Randy, stop," Mom says. "You're probably making him uncomfortable."

"_Thank you_, " I mutter.

"It's just a question, Sharon!" Dad snaps, and I bite my lip. "I'm just trying to make conversation."

"Well, religion isn't exactly a dinner topic-"

"Can you pass me the butter knife, Mom?" I interrupt. I'm wondering whether or not it'll be sharp enough to kill me when I feel something touch my foot. Gary's turned toward my parents, but he shoots a look at me, giving me a smile.

I try to return it but I know it probably looks like I'm going to throw up or something. I mouth the word, 'Sorry' to him and he shakes his head and chuckles.

"So," I say, and stop there because I have absolutely nothing to say. "Um...anything happen on the news?"

I direct this towards my dad but it appears he's ignoring me and mom. He has his eyes fixed on Gary and it's starting to creep me out. But the blonde seems to be unfazed by it, and makes small conversation with my mom, thrilling her with his stories of saving kittens from trees and babies from burning houses or something heroic like that. I can't even concentrate because my dad's stare is just so intense. I swear he hasn't blinked at all in the last two minutes.

I try to telepathically tell Gary to eat faster so we can leave the table and the tension surrounding it, but he's listening intently as my mom talks about how she had to pry me off the handle of the truck door when I had to get shots one time.

"Oh, he cried and cried," she says. "Sixteen years old and I'm bribing him with a lollipop."

"I was eleven, Mom," I defend, not making eye-contact with Gary because I know he has an amused look on his face right now. "Jeez, get your facts straight."

She gives Gary a knowing look, and the only good thing I can see coming from this is if she ever finds out we're dating, she can't say she doesn't like Gary. They're over there talking like old ladies who've known each other since birth.

Finally dinner's over. I motion for Gary to follow me upstairs while my mom does dishes and Dad's in the bathroom. "God, I am _so_ sorry you had to deal with that."

"Stan, you're family's not that bad," he says when I flop down onto my bed.

"Did you not notice my dad giving you the death stare?"

"Oh, he's alright," he says. "Maybe's he's just still weirded out from earlier. You know...when he walked in on us."

"Ugh, okay, that's understandable," I say, lifting my head and looking over at him.. "But then he started asking you about being mormon and stuff and...I don't know, it sounded like he didn't it."

"Well, the only thing he remembers about my family is that we 'tricked' him into being mormon, so maybe he's just uncomfortable with it."

"Then why bring it up?" I let my head fall back onto the bed.

I feel him sit down next to my depressed body and my back arches a little when he touches it. "Relax, Stan." He runs his hand up to my shoulders and I close my eyes. He shifts on the bed and starts massaging me. "It's not a big deal if your dad doesn't like me."

"I guess..." I say reluctantly, but I decide to drop the subject. I just let him massage me until I'm about to fall asleep.

"Stan?" he whispers, and I jerk up.

"What?"

"I should get going."

"You wanna stay over?" I ask, sitting up. He looks uneasy. "You don't have to."

"I just don't want my parents to get-"

"Suspicious, I know," I say, and sigh. "Whatever, it's not a big deal. We can text each other before bed."

"Are you mad?"

"What? No. Dude, I understand. In fact, I think it's best if we didn't get too comfortable around my dad," I chuckle. "That was way too close."

"Yeah," he says, and smiles.

"You want a ride home?"

"Sure."

I help him collect the paper dolls and take him home. As usual, as soon as he walks into his house, his whole family greets him over-joyed. I swear, they act like he's been gone for a decade. They wave to me from the doorway and shout invitations at me for dinner, volunteering, family night, and Rice Crispy treats.

I just yell noises that sound like agreement and drive off. When I get home, I'm met by silence. It makes me feel weird. After seeing how happy Gary's family was when he walked in, the silence in the house seems alien. It doesn't last long, however. By the time I get up to my room, my mom and dad are yelling about dinner again. My mom's trying to explain why religion isn't a good topic for the table, but she may as well be talking to a cranky three-year-old. My dad's stubborn like that.

I attempt the homework Mr. Fillmon assigned us, but I've only succeeded in reading the directions a thousand times before it's time for bed. I figure that it's good I at least tried, because the directions seemed like hieroglyphics and I was amazed I remembered to write my name. Hopefully Mr. Fillmon will also see that as an accomplishment and let me pass the class. Or maybe he'll take pity on me. I've seen him give Token bonus points, but that may be because Token's on the football team and is actually pretty good and Mr. Fillmon doesn't want to see us lose miserably again.

With that thought, I brush my teeth and change into pajamas. I grab my phone to text Gary as I promised, but there's already a message from Kyle.

_'I love Kenny.'_

I chuckle and text back. '_Well tell him that.'_

When they first started dating, I admit, it bugged me. I was freaking out because I thought Kenny was just fooling around and was going to mess up over a decade of friendship. I'm still a little uneasy about them, but it seems that Kenny's actually committed to this. I have to wonder if it's because I threatened to kill him if he broke Kyle's heart.

I get another text from Kyle.

'_I did. But he's the one who told me first. And Stan, I think he means it. Like, not in a "we're best friends" way, but in a "I really love you with all my heart" way.'_

I can't help but laugh out loud at how weird Kyle's getting. It's true he's never been in an actual relationship, and I begin to think this is why he's so excited.

'_This must be so new to you, huh?'_ I text back.

'_Yeah. I guess it is. :) Well, Kenny's complaining that I'm not paying him enough attention or something, so I better get back to him. Night. :)'_

_'haha night dude.'_

It feels so weird, having Kyle talk like that. Usually he only gets like that when he's passionate about something, like physics or advanced calculus. Maybe Kenny will actually be good for him. I'm thinking about them getting married with Mrs. Broflovski crying into Kenny's mom's shoulder happily when my phone buzzes again.

It's Gary.

_'My parents want to know if you want to come to family night on sunday.'_

'_only if there's rice crispy treats. :)'_

_'she's been making more of those since you started coming over.'_

_'lol i know. it's like she's trying to buy my love with food.'_

_'haha is it working?'_

_'yes. but i think i'm gonna have to cut back. i'll be as big as cartman by xmas if i keep going on like this.'_

_'should i tell her not to make any then?'_

_'nah. i'll cut back later XD'_

_' :) '_

_'kenny and kyle are in love.'_

_'i could tell. the way they looked at each other today...'_

_'yeah. i'm thinking that maybe kenny's actually good for kyle, you know? like, they're good for each other.'_

I'm smiling as I type this, because I know it's one-hundred percent true. They both keep each other in check. Kyle makes sure Kenny gets through his schoolwork, and Kenny makes sure Kyle has fun every once in a while.

'_yeah.'_ Gary texts back.

_' are we good for each other?'_ I ask.

_' we'll have to see.'_

_'i guess.'_

_'i think we are. in a strange way.'_

_'how?'_ I ask.

_'idk. well, before we started dating, i guess i was afraid of being...you know.'_

_'Gay?'_ I supply.

'_yeah. i'm still a little afraid, but you make me less afraid? haha that sounded really bad. i need to use better words.'_

_'no. that sounds good. and u help me too.'_

_'really? how?' _I bite my lip, embarrassed that I'm about to say something so personal.

_'u make me feel less sad.'_ It takes me forever to send this, but I finally hit the send button and close my phone. I lean back in my bed, anticipating his response.

_'why are you sad_?' is his reply.

'_I don't know. i guess ive been like this for a while. but i havent been feeling like that since we started dating. so thanks. :)'_

_' :) '_

_'well, im gonna "hit the hay", as Kenny says. goodnight.'_

_'haha night.'_

I fall asleep feeling better than I have in a while.

**xxx**

**Let me begin by saying how SORRY I am. lol this chapter should NOT have taken this long to write.**

**At least it was somewhat long? :}**

**Kyle's POV next!**


	7. Back Door Sluts 9 (Kyle)

**Well, here comes the next chapter. Let's see if I can finish this one in a timely manner.**

**ScaryBones**

**Kyle's POV**

**xxx**

I was always glad to have Kenny over. Even Karen was kind of cool. At least, she was a lot less annoying than Ike. After Stan dropped us off at my house, Karen made a beeline straight to Ike's room. I half-expected to see him later dressed as a gentleman. Ever since she started coming over, she's all he ever talks about. I don't blame him - Karen's cute and a girl, and Ike is an twelve-year-old heterosexual male.

So while they were outside playing who knows what, Kenny and I went up to my room. The first thing he always does when he enters my room is fly onto my bed. It doesn't matter if I'm on it, or if I'm in the other room. He just jumps on it like he's never slept on a bed before. Which I guess is kind of true.

I recently discovered that his bed is, in fact, being held up by cinderblocks, and that one side of the bed (his side) is stuffed with a little bit of hay because one night their dad came in while intoxicated and took a chainsaw to the bed.

At least, this is what Kenny tells me.

"Kyle, why's your bed so soft?" he asks, face down on my green comforter. "I swear, it's like laying on a pile of hot girls."

"Well, that's just what I need popping into my head everytime I'm about to go to sleep," I say. "Thanks, Ken."

"No problem." He gives me a cheeky grin, and I roll my eyes. "You gonna study now?"

"Eh, maybe later," I say, looking toward the huge pile of books on my desk. "I'm not feeling up to being nerdy right now."

"Ooh, is Kyle going to break out of his nerdy restraints and be a rebel?" Kenny asks. "Maybe you'll rip a page out of your math book."

"Aw, come on, I'm not that much of a nerd," I say, but Kenny's rolling his eyes before I finish. "Just because I study a little-"

"A lot," Kenny says. I can feel the pout on my face. He chuckles. "Aw, come on, I'm just teasing you."

He sits up on my bed.

"Besides, I think your nerdy-ness is cute."

"Oh, God."

"I'm serious," he says.

"Well, thanks?" He gives me another cheeky smile. I flop down next to him, exhausted. "Malls wear me out."

"Really? They energize me. I feel like I can pick up a truck right now." I raise my eyebrows and look at him.

"Well, my dad's been bugging me to clean out the garage..."

"Well, maybe I'm not _that_ pumped full of energy," he says quickly. I laugh and he lays back down next to me. "You gonna take a nap?"

"Maybe."

"Can I play on your computer?" I laugh.

"Yeah. No porn, though. My mom goes through my history every now and then and I don't need 'Girls Gone Wild' or 'Backdoor Sluts Nine' popping up."

"Don't worry your Jewish head, Ky," he says. "I'm just going on Facebook."

"Alright. While your on, do you mind harvesting my blueberries?"

"Pshh, fine."

I close my eyes and he boots up my computer. I feel a cool sense of calmness; him typing into the computer and me resting deep into my bed. I'm almost asleep when Kenny burst into laughter.

"Oh my god! Kyle, your mom sent me a friend request!"

"What?!" My eyes shoot open and he's nearly falling out of the chair.

"I can't breathe!" he gasps out. "Should I - should I accept it?"

"No!" I shout, and he wipes tears from his eyes.

"I'm going to accept it."

"Ken," I start, but he clicks the mouse pointedly and looks over at me.

"God, that made my day," he says with a content smile. "Oh, and Gary sent me one too. 'Accept'." He clicks the mouse as he says the last word and chuckles again.

"I wonder if he sent me one..."

"Probably. Maybe he's trying to get on your good side," Kenny says. "Does Stan have a facebook yet?"

"No. But maybe he'll get one now that his boyfriend has one." There's a little bitterness in my voice, but Kenny's too distracted to catch it. Instead he starts laughing again. I roll my eyes and look over at him. "What now?"

"Your mom just opened a chat with me," he says, clutching his stomach. "She says, 'hi'."

"Don't answer her," I say. "She'll talk forever."

"Well, I can't just log off. She's downstairs, isn't she? What if she comes up here and asks why I didn't respond?"

"Ask her what we're having for dinner."

"Kay." I close my eyes again as he types in the question. There's a long pause and Kenny starts humming. I'm getting into that relaxed stage again and I sigh happily. "She's ordering pizza."

"Awesome." My words are mumbled and Kenny continues humming.

I wake up to Kenny shaking me excitedly. "Pizza's here! Come on, let's go downstairs!" He quickly kisses me and jumps off the bed.

"I fell asleep?" I ask, but he's already running out the door. I chuckle and stand, following him lazily down the stairs. My family plus Karen's already at the table, two boxes of pizza in the center.

My mom seems to be in a really good mood, smiling at Karen like she's her daughter. Ike's sitting very close to Kenny's sister, and I'm surprised my mom hasn't thrown a fit about it. "Kyle, there you are! I was calling you. I had to send Kenny up to wake you. How many slices do you want?"

"One," I say, but she gives me two. "Thanks." Kenny asks for one, too, but she gives him three.

"And don't be afraid to get more," she says, and hands my dad a plate. She's only ever like this when company's over, especially Kenny and Karen. She loves taking care of them, and treats them better than me and Ike sometimes. But I don't mind; the more time she dotes on them, the less time she has to nag me about shoveling the driveway.

It's actually a pretty peaceful dinner; Karen makes up jokes on the spot that my mom goes bananas over. She's in such a good mood by the time dinner's over that she does the dishes, even though it's my night to do them. Kenny and I head back up to my room and he flops back down onto my bed. "Your mom's so nice, Kyle."

I laugh at that. "Only when company's over; last week I almost went deaf when she yelled at Ike for leaving his homework on the table."

He chuckles and closes his eyes. I go to my desk and open a book, deciding that it's time to start my homework. Kenny starts humming a pop song while I'm reading an in-depth biography about Martin Luther King.

Kenny's passed out an hour later, and I finish the biography. I figure I can write the essay I was assigned tomorrow, and turn out the light. I carefully 'vampire' myself onto the bed, trying not to wake him. But he grabs me around my waist and pulls me down next to him.

"I thought you were asleep."

"I was; I'm a light sleeper," he says.

"Sorry."

"I love you." I'm shocked to hear this, but I feel a grin spread onto my face.

"I love you, too."

This feels so special, almost like it's a movie, but it's not. This is real life, and the hottest guy in school just said he loved me. Kenny loves me. It's sounds real, too. Like he means it; he's not saying it to some girl he's just slept with, he's saying it to me.

"I gotta text Stan real quick."

xxx

"Go left. Left!" I shout, moving my body that direction, as if will help. I grip my controller tightly, pressing random buttons in hopes that I'll kill the Hunter.

"I write with my right hand," Kenny mumbles, looking at his hands. "So left, would be-"

"Damnit, I died!" I shout. "Go to a secluded space, Ken, so I can come back."

"This thing keeps chasing me, oh my god!" Kenny shouts, his character running backwards, shooting at the monstrous alien. His orange-clad character is shot and dies. "Man, I hate Halo!"

He puts his controller down and leans back into the couch.

"Stan, can you grab me a soda?" he calls into the kitchen.

"I only have two arms, Kenny!" The raven-haired teen comes into the livingroom, where there are already at least ten cans of soda on the coffee table. He's holding a plate with sandwiches piled on top of each other. He sets the plate on the cluttered table and goes back into the kitchen to get Kenny's soda.

"Thank you!" Kenny calls after him, grabbing a sandwich.

We've been playing video games since we came over, and I'm bored of them. "I'm gonna turn off the Xbox, okay?"

"Alright," Kenny says, and catches the soda Stan throws him.

"You want juice or something, Ky?" Stan asks from the doorway. "I know you're gonna go into a diabetic coma if you drink another soda."

"Water," I say, and he retreats back into the kitchen.

"Gary's coming to pick me up in a bit, so could you guys help me clean up?" he asks, coming back into the livingroom with my water and a trashbag. He starts tossing the cans into bag, but Kenny grabs his arm.

"Wait, I'm gonna take the cans home," he says, a light blush on his face.

"Okay," Stan says. "I'll get a smaller bag for you."

"Thanks."

"You wanna head back to my place?" I ask, and grab one of the sandwiches. Kenny shakes his head.

"I told Karen I'd help her make cupcakes today," he says. Stan comes back with a smaller bag and Kenny starts throwing the cans into it. "And I'm gonna go with Kevin to take the cans in the back of his truck to get money."

"Alright," I say.

"I'll come by tonight, though."

I smile. "Cool."

There's a knock at the door and Stan jumps to go get it, a wild smile on his face. He fixes his hair briefly before opening the door. "Hey, Gary."

"Hey, you ready?"

"Yeah," Stan says, and that's our cue to get out of his house. "You can take the food, Ken."

"Thanks!" The blonde grabs the last two sandwiches and follows me out the door.

"Where you guys going?" I ask Stan and Gary, though I only look at Stan.

"Amanda's birthday," Stan answers. "I'll text you later."

"See ya." I turn to say goodbye to Kenny but I feel him wrap me in a hug.

"I'll miss you, Kyle," he says in this child-like voice, and we laugh. "I'll see you later." He kisses the side of my mouth and hugs me tighter.

"Bye, Ken."

I watch as he crosses the train tracks and goes inside his house. "Kyle, you want a ride home?" Gary asks.

"Um, sure," I answer. "Do you know where I live?"

"No, but you can tell me."

I wonder whether or not I _want_ this freak of nature to know where I live, but decide that I don't want to walk home because it's freezing out and I still have to write an essay. I can't write an essay if my fingers are frost-bitten, so I jump into the backseat of the van.

I'm hoping Stan will talk to make it feel less awkward, but he's drumming his fingers on his knees in the front seat and looking out the window. Gary's humming a song I'm pretty sure is a church tune, and I can feel the tension I'm bringing.

I clear my throat. "So, you keep going straight until you get near the Temple, then you make a left."

"The Jewish Temple?" Gary asks, and I nod.

"Yeah," I say, because he didn't see me nod.

"Okay." He starts humming a different song, one that Stan's always singing. My best friend smiles shyly at the mormon, and Gary chuckles and starts singing the words.

"_I will never let you fall_

_I'll stand up with you forever_

_I'll be there for you through it all_

_Even if saving you sends me to Heaven."_

They start singing the next verse together, and I can't help but feel like a third wheel. I don't know the lyrics to the song; even if I did, I wouldn't sing it, because I've got a terrible voice and no rhythm.

"Um, there's the temple," I interrupt, and Stan jumps, like he forgot I was there. They stop singing, and I get the feeling that they really did forget I was in the vehicle with them. "Turn left."

It's silent the rest of the way to my house; I get the feeling that Gary doesn't like me, but I could be wrong. Maybe he knows that _I_ don't like him.

I bet he didn't even send me a friend request on Facebook.

**xxx**

**Lyrics are from the song "Your Guardian Angel" (the title) by Red Jumpsuit Aparatus. 3 It's going to pop up a lot in this fic.**

**Cartman's POV next. :D)))**


	8. I'll Find You (Cartman)

**Short Chapter, just a heads up**

**Cartman's POV**

**xxx**

"Eric, honey, one of your friends is here," Mom says from my doorway. I ignore her. She doesn't deserve to be answered. All day she's been in her bedroom with David, the jerk who's been living here rent free for the past few weeks. He's this loser-looking guy with dirty, long blonde hair. I think he was maybe homeless before, because he smells bad and drinks beer all the time. That beer is why my mom hasn't bought me any of my favorite food. She spends all the money she makes supporting his alcoholism and smoking habit, and maybe even some of his drugs. "Eric? I'm going to send him in, alright?"

I just grunt. I open up a game on my computer, deciding that whoever's here for me isn't worth my time.

"Hey, tubby, come on." It's Kenny.

"What the hell do you want?"

"We're going to ice skate at Stark's pond, so come on."

"Why?" I ask, rolling my eyes. "I thought you guys hated me."

"We do, and you hate us; now let's go," he says, walking over to me. "The guys are waiting outside."

"You know I hate to ice skate," I say, and he sighs.

"Well, just thought I'd ask," he says. "Are you sure you really want to stay here with that guy in your mom's room?"

"Alright, alright, I'll fucking go!" I shout, and shut off my computer. "God, just don't bring that up again, you poor piece of trash."

Kenny smiles down at me. "That's the spirit!"

I follow him downstairs and out the door, grabbing my skates along the way. "You guys are buying me food, though."

"That's a good one, Eric," Kenny says as he goes to stand next to the Jew and Stan. I hesitate for a while, but decide that I don't care if Stan's still pissy about Friday. That was two days ago, he should be over it by now. I decide to test the waters.

"Aw, what happened to the mormon; did you guys break up?" I ask with malice coating my voice. Stan tenses up for a second, then relaxes, but I can see that his face is flushed.

He mutters something about the Book of Mormon and walks faster.

There's a bunch of kids from school at the pond, and I take this opportunity to trip as many of them as I can. I stand at the edge of the pond, sticking my foot out whenever anyone gets close to me. Butters ends up falling on his face a lot before the girls take sympathy on him and drag him to the other side of the pond. When people stop coming towards me, I decide to target the Jew. He's skating really close to Kenny, talking quietly. I decide to investigate and skate quietly up behind them.

"Not in public, Kenny! Someone could see us," the Jew says, and I skate a little closer because Kenny's speaks more softly than Kyle. The Jew looks like he's blushing. I'm almost within hearing distance when someone plows into my side. Kyle and Kenny jump and turn around as my attacker and I skid off the pond and into a bush.

"Jesus Christ, Stan, watch where you're going!" I shout, shoving the stupid hippie off me.

"Sorry," he mumbles, but he's looking at the jew and the economically challenged blonde. "Maybe next time I'll be more _careful about who's around me._"

"...Yeah," I mumble, but I am so confused. The way he directs his words to the two guys standing up makes me think that there's something going on that I don't know about. Something I'm going to need to figure out and exploit.

Kyle's face is red and he glares at me like I didn't just get assaulted by his best friend. "Why were you following so close behind us, fatass?"

"It's a free country, you stupid jew!" I shout. "I can skate wherever I want."

"This is why I didn't want to invite him!" Kyle yells at Kenny. "He always messes everything up!"

"Excuse me, I'm not that one who always brings people down," I come back. "You always mess up parties with your whining and complaining that the music's too loud for your precious little ears."

"At least I don't eat all the food and get so wasted that I don't even remember who I've slept with!"

"Shut up, I remember everyone I've slept with, kosher boy!"

"Only because they slap you when they wake up and find out they've slept with a fat pig!"

"Like sleeping with a skinny, greedy Jew is better?" I ask.

"I'm not greedy!"

"Guys, enough!" Stan and Kenny shout at the same time. Kenny mutters, "You're making a scene."

"Kyle's the one who's making a scene," I say, pointing at the sneaky jew. "He _always_ does, and then he makes it out to look like he's the victim; and _every_ time you guys take his side!"

"Because you're always the bad side!" Kyle yells, and his voice cracks a little because it's so high and whiny.

"Screw you guys, I'm going home! I don't know why you invited me if you were just gonna plot against me again!"

"It wasn't our idea to invite you," Kyle yells, his face almost as red as his hair. "Kenny's the only one who wanted you to come!"

"Kyle-" Kenny says, and makes a cutting motion across his neck.

"We only let him invite you because we felt_ bad_ about the other day. But now I'm beginning to think that you deserved it. You don't even realize how lucky you are to have any friends at all!"

I can't think of a comeback to his words, but I feel the anger boil up inside me. I open my mouth a few times, trying to think of something to say to make the jew shut up, only to close it again. I turn around to leave, but yell over my shoulder, "Well, I know something's going on between you and Kenny, and I'm going to find out about it!"

I can't see his expression, but I'm hoping he's worried and scared that I _will_ find out. Kyle doesn't know who he's messing with. He thinks that I'll just go back to my house and watch tv and forget about this incident. No. I'm determined to figure out what him and Kenny and even Stan are trying to hide from me.

I'll find out.


	9. Family Night (Gary)

**Gary's POV**

**xxx**

Amanda's acting out a puppet show with the dolls Stan and I made her. She's forgotten the original plot of her play, but she continues on anyway, and it's pretty funny. Even Stan's laughing and following the dialogue between two female dolls.

Family Night seems even better with Stan here. My mom absolutely loves him, and my dad jokes around with him a lot. Amanda and David were wrestling with him earlier, and I've heard Amanda say that she liked him at least a dozen times since he came over for her birthday.

The play ends with the dolls all hugging and Amanda stands and bows. We clap and chuckle, while my mom goes to get hot cocoa for everyone.

"She's really smart," Stan comments to me. "I've never seen a play like that, especially from an eleven year-old."

"Yeah, she's really good at writing. She's got a bunch of notebooks with stories written in them, and a lot of them get turned into plays. Usually she just uses her hands to make the characters, but I guess now the dolls are her new actors."

"Alright, who's next?" my dad asks, scanning the group of us seated on the couch. He stops and looks pointedly at Stan. "How about you, Stan? Have you got any hidden talents we don't know about?"

Stan blushes and shakes his head. "Nah, I'm not talented."

"That's not true," I say, looking at him with a knowing look. "You sing."

He scoffs. "I'm only messing around when I sing; I'm not in choir or anything."

"So, you're not bad," I say, but he shakes his head, giving me a look like I'm betraying him by being encouraging.

"I'm too shy," he says, and I have to stop myself from scoffing at that. He's probably the least shy person I know; he's changed clothes in front of me twice already. But I let it slide - I don't want him to be uncomfortable here.

My mom comes back with the hot cocoa and some rice crispy treats. Stan and I share an amused look. Dad finally decides that we should play the Game of Life, and I go to the closet to grab the game. Stan sneaks after me, and tries to give me a kiss. I reluctantly stop him. "Stan, it's Sunday."

"So?" he asks, but we both know I don't like to do anything "romantic" on this day of the week, especially in my house where my family is present. "Alright."

"Try again later," I joke, and he chuckles.

We play the board game for the next half-hour, and when David finally drives into the retirement home with five kids, the game ends. "Alright, gang," Dad says, starting to put the game away. "I think we're done." David and Amanda groan at the fact that Family Night's over, and I can relate. I used to get really disappointed when Family Night was over when I was their age.

The family disperses to their rooms, leaving Stan and I still sitting around the game table.

"That was really close, Gary," he says. "I almost put a blue person in the passenger seat when I got married. I think your dad might've seen that, too."

"I know, but you can just play it off as a mistake if he ever asks you about it," I say, but I'm still a little uneasy. I almost went to move his hair away from his face during the game, but caught myself at the last second, pretending to be stretching. "We need to be more careful."

He nods soberly. "We shouldn't have to be," he mumbles.

"Let's not get into this right now," I say, because I know he's going to start working himself up about how gay people shouldn't have to hide. "We can talk about it later; let's just enjoy the rest of the night."

"Fine," he mumbles, but I can see that he's still thinking about it. Glancing around to make sure none of the members of my family are around, I quickly lean forward and peck him on the lips. He seems shocked about it, and I lean back, chuckling, as he tried to kiss me again. "You're such a tease." But he laughs, and slings his arm around me.

"It distracted you, didn't it?"

xxx

"Gary, can I ask you a question?" my dad asks.

"Sure, Dad," I answer. "I'm about to go to Stan's though."

"Oh," he says. "Well, this will only take a minute."

I turn away from the hallway mirror, where I was fixing my hair. "Okay." It sounds important.

"Stanley wouldn't be...um, a homosexual, would he?" The blood drains from my face, and I turn away.

"I don't think so," I answer, and it feels so bad to be lying to him. He only wants what's best for me. "I don't think so," I say again.

"Hmm." I turn back to him and he looks deep in thought. He shakes his head and smiles at me. "Oh well. You go on now, son."

"Thanks, Dad. Love you."

"Love you, too."

I now feel uneasy heading for Stan's house.

**xxx**

**Short! So very short. Here are my apologies *throws bucket of sorries and puppies at you***

**(:^D))) **


	10. Card Castle and Cats (Kenny)

**Alright, time to kick this story into high gear.**

**Kenny's POV**

**xxx**

My dad isn't really what you'd call a family man. In fact, he's actually kind of the opposite. Sure, there are times when he's sober enough to act human, but most of the times, especially after he's been drinking, he turns into a monster.

For as long as I can remember, he's always been kind of abusive. Mostly towards Kevin - they really get into it - but there were times when he'd see me playing dolls with Karen or sitting with my legs crossed, and he'd just kinda smack me upside the head and tell me to knock it off.

He doesn't really touch Karen, or even pay her that much attention, really. She doesn't let it show, but I know it bothers her. I try to be a good brother and as fatherly and as I can toward her; Kevin's a little too impatient and angry all the time to do anything but give her money when he feels she needs it, but that's enough, I guess. He likes helping her out, and buying her stuff. That's one of the few things we share in common: We both like seeing Karen happy. We're both really protective of her, too. Like, when I heard from Ike that these girls were giving her a hard time about the shirt she was wearing (it was her favorite shirt, but had a couple holes in it), I wanted to punch them. But, I was taught not to hit girls from my _dad_, which I find extremely ironic, because he hits my mom all the time. So I just settled with walking her to school and giving the girls death glares. Sadly, I didn't inherit my father's scary gene, and although they don't bully her directly anymore, they still talk behind her back.

But she says I really did help - plus, Ike sometimes stands up for her, too. That made me respect the little nerd a little more than I already did.

He comes over every now and then to do puzzles and play cards with her. She's gotten me into doing puzzles, too, and I try to build card castles, but every time I do, a cat comes along and tears it down. I just can't win.

It's when I'm building one of these castles, shooing one of the more persistent cats away, that two things happen. One, I hear a crash coming from down at the end of the hall - my parent's room. The door is flung open and my mom stumbles out, holding a hand to her bloody nose. My dad, clearly intoxicated, follows her, half apologizing and half threatening her. She shoos him away, meeting my eyes for a brief second, before she turns into the bathroom, slamming the door. The second thing that happens is that my dad sees me in the middle of the floor messing around with cards, and he starts heading toward me.

My first instinct is, of course, to run, but for whatever reason I stay. He stands in front of my little castle for a while, glaring down at it, and I'm pretty sure he's going to kick it down or kick me, or maybe both. Instead, he kneels down and studies the structure. I hold my breath so I don't have to inhale the rancid stink of beer and weed that always seems to cling to him. He tilts his head, taking another swig of the drink he was holding, and then grunts. "You're pretty good at that, son."

"Thanks..." I mutter, and eye the bathroom door, where my mom is leaning her head out, staring at this strange interaction between me and my father. She eventually returns to the room, unnoticed by my father. He continues kneeling next to me, taking in the weak structure of my card castle. Just one breath, a little nudge, and it'll all come crashing down. But he sees no problem with it. He continues staring at it until his eyes grow heavy and he crashes next to it. The air he creates pushes the castle down, and I curse silently.

I leave him there next to the pile of cards, hoping that he'll see what he's done when he wakes up.

"Kenny, you got a second?" It's Bebe. How cute. She only bugs me when she wants to make out or have sex. I can't really do that now, that'd be cheating.

"No, I gotta go meet Kyle."

"That's what you said last time," she pouts. God, how adorable.

"I know, and I meant it last time, too," I say. I don't really mean to sound irritable, but her knockers are huge and I'm kind of disappointed that I have to say no to them. I mean her. "Look, if you wanna hang out later - as friends - I'm cool."

"Is there another girl? Who is it? Tammy's got so many diseases, Kenny! You don't need to hang around that tramp!" she practically shouts, and I look around to make sure no one else is listening in. But it's high school, and people are curious, so of course everyone in the hallway's looking over.

"No, there's no other girl," I say, dragging her away from the majority of the eavesdroppers. "I just can't be messing around right now."

She puts her hands on her hips, and I know that as a bad sign. However, Kyle walks by at that second, and I grab onto his arm.

"Gotta go, Bebe," I say. "We can talk later." What a lie.

She drops her hands, but I can see that this isn't the end, and that eventually I'll be forced to talk. But not today.

"What was _that_ all about?" Kyle asks.

"Nothing to worry about," I say, sliding an arm over his shoulders. It looks like we're just good bros, which we are. We are _very_ good bros. "Are you doing anything after school?"

"Well, there's that AP Physics test I have to study for," he begins, and smirks at my horrified face. "But I'm pushing that until later."

"Any particular reason?" I ask, a smirk growing on my face as well.

"Well, there is a certain blonde who I'm hoping to hang out with."

"Who _is_ this sexy beast you're talking about?" I ask. "He wouldn't be that cool Kenny guy, would he?"

"Are there any other sexy blondes in the area?"

"Stan thinks that _Gary's_ pretty sexy."

"Um, _what_?" It isn't Kyle who says this, but Stan himself. I realize we're in front of his locker; I was so caught up in Kyle that I didn't even notice where we were going. We could've been heading for the _library_ and I wouldn't have known. It's pretty scary to think about.

"Don't worry, Stan," I assure. "I'm ten times more sexy than Gary."

"Right."

"I'm glad you agree," I say, and turn my attention back to my redheaded boyfriend. "Do _you_?"

"Did I or did I _not_ just just call you sexy?"

"Not directly."

"You're sexy," he says, and although we're only joking around, it makes my heart beat faster. To hear it from someone that doesn't just want to get in my pants is a whole different experience. "You alright?"

"Yeah, it was just a...nice compliment," I say. I want to kiss him so bad, but I know he wouldn't want to risk it at school. He's not that shy about making out in the bathroom, as long as we lock the door, but the closest bathroom is two halls away, and I'm not sure how much time is left in the passing period. _Can we make it_?

I shake the thought away. There's only two classes left before school's out. I figure I can just kiss his face off on the walk to his house.

"I'll see you after school?" I ask, and he nods his head with a smile before ducking out from under my arm. He heads for the Orchestra room, humming some classical song I think I might've sung when I was younger.

"You there, Kenny?"

"Must you ruin my fantasies?" I ask, still watching Kyle walk away. He turns the corner and I finally look away. Stan's giving me a strange look. "What?"

"Nothing." He pauses. "Helping him study after school?"

"Nah, we're just gonna hang out, I guess," I say, and I feel special. He rarely ever moved his study time to hang out with Stan. I guess I get special boyfriend privileges. Not that I'd tell Stan that.

"Hmm, he must really like you, then," he says.

"What about you? Gonna go hang with Joseph Smith?"

He sighs at the name, and shakes his head. "No, he's going to donate blood." He looks almost embarrassed.

"Still afraid of needles?"

He nods. "He's coming over for dinner, though. I don't know _why_."

"I love your mom's cooking, dude," I say.

"I know, but last time it was all awkward and stuff. I think he's only coming because he wants to prove a point."

"And that point would be?"

"I don't know, but he'll prove it."

"Very logical thinking, Stan."

"Shut up, Romeo," he says, starting to head toward his class. "Have fun with Juliet tonight."

Stanley, you devil.

**xxx**


	11. In the Shower (Stan)

** Stan's POV**

** xxx**

"Stoley's trying to fight me for first chair," Kyle says, pressing furiously on the buttons of his controller. "_Again_. Why can't he just understand that I'm better than him and give up?"

"Whoa, there," I say. "Where did this sudden arrogance come from?"

"Well, my mom'll kill me if I'm not first chair," he exclaims. "Or, she'll nag me to death, which is the most painful way to die."

Kenny chuckles darkly, shaking his head, and Kyle and I share a confused glance but shrug it off. Kenny always gets weird and touchy when you mention death or anything to do with dying.

"Well, you know how Kevin's mom is," I say. "She's a cougar."

"A MILF?" Kenny asks, raising his eyebrows. "I've seen her, dude, she's not that hot."

"Not _that_ kind of cougar, you perv!" I sigh. "I meant, like, one of those moms who are really hard on their kids, want them to be perfect and stuff."

"Oh." Kenny keeps snickering though, and then he gets this dreamy look on his face. A nudge from Kyle makes the smile drop, but is soon replaced by a cheeky grin. The blonde whispers something into my best friend's ear, and I decide not to listen in. _Anything_ whispered from Kenny is usually not meant for anyone's ears, let alone mine. My point is proven true when Kyle blushes furiously, and swats Kenny's arm.

"Dude!"

I turn my attention back to my computer screen, leaving them to their game. Gary's chatting with me on Facebook - he made me get one again, and I've been paranoid lately about my profile coming to beat me up in my sleep, but it's been a couple weeks and nothing's happened, so I think I'm safe.

Gary Harrison, Jr: _We're going to help out at the animal shelter tomorrow. Wanna come? :)_

Stan Marsh: _Only if there will be cute puppies who jump up on me and lick my face._

Gary Harrison, Jr: _I think that can be arranged._

Stan Marsh: _Sweet. You alone? I know, stupid question._

Gary Harrison, Jr: _It's not a stupid question. And yes, I am alone, surprisingly. My parents took David and Amanda to the park._

Stan Marsh: _You didn't go with? How come?_

Gary Harrison, Jr: _Math homework. Straightening my room. Wanted to talk to you._

Stan Marsh:_ About?_

Gary Harrison, Jr: _Anything._

Stan Marsh: _Anything...?_

Gary Harrison, Jr: _Haha, okay not /anything/. But, yeah, anything._

Stan Marsh: _Let's talk about your smile._

Gary Harrison, Jr: _Stop it._

Stan Marsh: _So white and pearly...you show your teeth when you smile at people :)_

Gary Harrison, Jr: _And when I think of you._

Stan Marsh: _When do you think of me?_

Gary Harrison, Jr: _As if you don't know. All the time. When I wake up, in class, when I'm taking a shower, when I'm falling asleep._

Stan Marsh: _What was that part about the shower again? ;P_

Gary Harrison, Jr: _Hey, now. Haha, yes, I think of you in the shower._

Stan Marsh: _What parts of me? lol jk jk jk_

Gary Harrison, Jr: _Watch it, Mister. XD But...your smile. Your hair, your eyes, your face, your neck, your chest, your body. (You're making me blush)_

Stan Marsh: _You're making me blush, too. I think of you a lot._

Gary Harrison, Jr: _In the shower? Haha._

Stan Marsh: _Yeah. And all day. All night._

Gary Harrison, Jr: _Are /you/ alone?_

Stan Marsh: _Well, Ky and Ken are playing video games next to me._ _But, my parents are out on a date, surprisingly. I think they're trying to stop fighting._

Gary Harrison, Jr: _Oh, well that's good. :)_

Stan Marsh: _You wanna come over? I have a shower at my place so you can think of me XD_

Gary Harrison, Jr: _Haha, you're so cute, Stan. Yeah. Let me call my mom and tell her where I'm going._

Stan Marsh: _Kay. See you soon. I love you._

Gary Harrison, Jr: _Be there in a few. I love you, too._

I log off after that, and sigh happily as I lean back in the chair.

"Why do you look so satisfied, Stanley?" Kenny asks, giving me a 'knowing' look. "Talking dirty with the Mormon?"

"Shut up, _Kenneth_," I say, reaching over to swat him, but he scoots away so my hand just falls. "He's coming over."

Kyle turns and gives me a small smile - I didn't realize I was holding my breath until I let it out, relieved he's not upset. "That's fine."

"Really?"

Kyle shrugs. "If he's making you happy, then that's good enough for me." I shoot a look at Kenny, who is grinning smugly. He must have said something to Kyle. "And besides, you didn't act this way when you found out I was dating Kenny."

"Well, I knew that Kenny wouldn't do anything to hurt you," I say. "And he can't really steal you away from me, since we all hang out together anyway."

Kenny blushes at being the center of our conversation, and Kyle leans over and kisses him. I glance away, giving them their privacy.

"I'm gonna go grab some chips or something," I say, getting up from my chair and heading for the door. "Want anything specific?"

They shake their heads through their kiss, which has now become a full-blown make-out.

"Uh, try not to have sex on my bed, alright, you guys?"

I don't need to see Kyle's face to know that it's as red as his hair. I take the steps down the stairs two at a time, except for the last part; I jump past five when I do that I twist my ankle or crash into the wall or Sparky comes out of nowhere and I land on him, but this time I land successfully. I grab a bag of Cheesy Poofs off the fridge - I think Cartman left them here a couple days ago, but they don't seem stale. I grab a soda for me and Kenny and juice for Kyle and Gary - I don't trust Kyle's diabetes to behave with soda, and Gary doesn't drink it - before running back up the stairs. I get half-way up before the doorbell rings.

"Damn it," I mutter. "Come in!"

The door opens and Gary walks in, smiling happily up at me. "Hey, Stan."

"Hey, dude." He makes a face, but quickly erases it.

"You need help?" he asks, referring to the stuff in my arms.

"Nah, I got it. But I think I might need some encouragement to make it the rest of the way up."

He chuckles and walks a few steps up, grabbing my face and turning it towards his so he can kiss me. I kiss back, wishing that my hands were free so I could touch him. He seems to notice this, and I swear he starts teasing me. He runs his hands down my back, making me shiver. Then I can't take it anymore and drop the bag of chips and the juice boxes so at least one hand is free. I run it through his hair, and pull him closer to me. His fingers brush along my hips, something I didn't know he was capable of doing without feeling guilty. I lean down and gently set the sodas down on a stair, continuing kissing him. He's running a hand slowly up and down my back, and I break the kiss to ask him where he found this new boldness. He chuckles and answers with another deeper kiss before pulling away. "I think that's enough encouragement to get you up the stairs."

He picks up the juice and the chips, motioning for me to get the soda, and we head for my room, where Kenny and Kyle look like they are about to do the closest thing to sex. Gary blushes and looks away, and I yell at them. "On my _bed_?!"

They push away from each other, blushing furiously. Kyle's face is almost as red as his hair, and Kenny stars muttering something about having a school project he needs to work on. Smirking, he grabs Kyle's hand and pulls him up. "See ya later, dudes," the blonde says, rushing past me and Gary, dragging Kyle along. There's a thundering down the stairs and an "Oh my God, Kenny, are you _alright_?!" before the door slams and I hear them running in the direction of Kenny's house, laughing maniacally.

"What was that all about?" Gary asks, a genuine confused expression on his face. I shake my head, sighing.

"My friends are morons." I drop the soda on my bed and flop down onto it. He sets the chips and juice on my desk neatly before coming to sit next to me.

"So whatcha wanna do?" he asks in his usual chipper self, like my best friends didn't just try to ruin my bed for life.

"I dunno, what do _you_ wanna do?" I ask him in my best Patrick voice. He laughs and shrugs, looking around.

"We could clean your room..." He laughs again at my terror-stricken face. "Or maybe we could just lay here and relax." He kicks some clothes under my bed before leaning back, falling next to me. I turn my head to face him and he stares up at the ceiling, smiling. He must feel me watching him because a blush spreads on his cheeks and he turns to look at me. "What?"

"I can't admire you?" I ask. "I can't look at my sexy boyfriend?"

"Oh, _stop_."

"What? _Admit _it, Gary. You're good-looking." He's blushing, embarrassed.

"Stop."

"Admit it."

"Alright! I'm not...bad-looking, or anything, but then, _no one'_s ugly," he says. His face is red. "Everyone's beautiful."

"Even Cartman?"

He sighs. "Yes, even Cartman." I frown and he laughs. "You are, too, you know."

"Well, I _hope_ I'm not ugly." I pause and think. "If I had, like, some obvious deformity, would you still date me?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Like, if I had a third arm or something, or maybe even a tail, would you still like me?"

"Is there something you want to tell me, Stan?" he asks, laughing. "Of course I would! You'd still have your same personality and stuff."

I sigh happily. "Good to know." He shakes his head before inching toward me.

"What about me? What if I had a tail?"

"Then I'd run for the hills," I say, laughing at his face afterward. "To build us a cottage where we'd have millions of babies and grow our own food. Maybe get a pet tiger."

"That'd be fun." His expression falters. "Where would the babies come from?"

"What? Oh, I don't know, we could adopt or something. We'll be those two gay guys in the forest that are world-known for their noble childcare services."

"...I love you, Stan." He leans toward me and brushes his lips against mine.

"I love you, too."

**xxx**

** Finally updating this thing. I finished it just minutes before I had to leave for work. **


	12. The Motto (Kyle)

**Kyle's POV**

**WARNING: Smut ahead!**

**If there are any children in the room, close your eyes. *Butters puts his head on the table* "Alright, then."**

**xxx**

We rush to Kenny's house, him laughing like a maniac as he kicks open his front door. There's no one home, so he leads me to the bedroom he shares with his brother, giggling like a twelve-year-old girl.

His room looks basically the same way it did when we were younger. Torn orange curtains do a terrible job at covering his broken window, and there are pictures of half-naked girls lining his walls. I see a stack of magazines in the corner of the room and Kenny coughs, muttering something about them belonging to Kevin.

"How the hell are you even with me?" I ask. There is no evidence at all of Kenny even having an interest in boys in his room. There are parts of the female anatomy drawn on the wall near his side of the bed, and based on their accuracy, they seem pretty recent.

He shrugs. "You're different." I raise an eyebrow, crossing my arms.

"Yeah. I'm a boy."

"A sexy one..." I blush and look away. "Come on, Kyle. It doesn't matter why I like you, I just do." I go and sit on his bed, which I immediately regret, because a mouse scurries off of it and squeezes itself through a crack in the wall.

"That's disgusting."

He chuckles and flops down next to me. "So...what do you wanna do?" He puts a hand on my leg, running it up.

"I..." I stop as his hand reaches my hip. "I don't know..."

"Do you want me to decide?" He glances up at my face and I blush.

"Sure."

He smiles slightly and I gasp as I feel his hand move toward my crotch. He shifts so he's kneeling on the floor in front of me, resting an elbow on my knee as he plays with my zipper. "Can I...?" He scratches the back of his head.

This is the first time anything like this has ever happened to me. I've had maybe one kiss in my lifetime - with that home-schooled girl, Rebecca - and my only other crush (besides Kenny) was Nicole in fourth grade. So, my romance life has been pretty pathetic. I'm probably the only teenaged boy in South Park who hasn't love their virginity yet. Well, maybe besides Gary and Butters...and a few other nerds. But that's not the point.

I avert my eyes and nod.

Kenny hums softly as he pulls the zipper down. I can hear my heart beating. I wonder if he can hear it, too. I close my eyes and lean back on my arms as he opens the front of my jeans. "Kenny..."

"Hmm?"

"Have you...ever done this before?" I open an eye and stare at him. He blushes.

"No."

This strangely comforts me and I smile at him. "Go on, then." He leans forward and brushes his lips against mine.

"Whatever you say, captain." My breath hitches as his cold fingers trail below my navel, and I close my eyes again, focusing on breathing. Kenny pulls on the waistband of my boxers, tugging them down until I'm exposed.

"God..."

He laughs softly and wraps his fingers around my member, which takes me by surprise.

"Kenny!"

"Relax, Ky..." He slowly moves his hand up and down, making shivers run down my spine. I push against his hand and to my dismay, he pulls it away.

"_Kenny_..."

"Shh." His breath hits my nether regions and I gasp again. My fingers clutch his ratty blankets as I feel his mouth envelope _it_.

"Oh sweet Moses," I mumble under my breath, moving a hand to his hair. I can feel his tongue pressing against me and he starts bobbing his head up and down, which of course causes another sharp intake of air on my part. "Oh..."

He hums softly and I groan, clutching my fingers into his hair.

"Nnnngg..." He takes this well-stated sentence as encouragement and increases his speed. "Yes..." Wow, an actual word. "Kenny, keep going."

I feel him smile and he grabs my hips, moving faster until I have to bite my lip to keep from crying out. I've never felt this good before.

"Kenny, I-" My stomach starts to tighten and it's taking all my energy not to scream. "I'm gonna..." I groan as I come, and he swallows it, immediately pulling me into a kiss afterward.

"God, Kyle..." I can taste myself in his mouth.

"Kenny...how did you know how to do that?" I fall back on the bed and he rests his head on my chest and blushes.

"I...looked it up." His blush deepens. "In case you ever wanted to..."

I chuckle and wrap my arms around him, running my fingers along his back. "That was...so good, Kenny." I bite my lip. "Do you want...me to do...anything?"

He laughs and shakes his head. "No. I don't want to scare you off." I chuckle.

"Scare me off?" He nods and smirks.

"You know, with my eight inch-"

"Kenny!"

"-pencil."

"Oh." I smack him gently on the arm. "You're such a goofball, I swear."

"But I'm _your_ goofball."

I grin. "That's right." I push him up so I can sit straight and zip my jeans. "All mine." I pull him into a deep kiss, which is weird for me. He's usually the one that initiates our kisses. He smiles into it and tangles his fingers in my wild hair.

I catch a sudden movement out of the corner of my eye and gasp.

His mom's standing in the now-open doorway.

"Kenny! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" My blonde boyfriend jumps and turns toward the red-headed woman that gave birth to him.

"Mom! What the hell?"

"Don't you 'what the hell' me! What's going on here?"

"Mom, just calm down and I can explain."

She sighs leans against the doorway. "I'm listening."

Blue eyes meet my green ones before he turns back to him mom. "I like boys." He falters. "I like girls, too! But, uh...I like...Kyle." He sighs. "A lot."

His mom puts a hand to her head, closing her eyes. She looks very old in that moment, and stressed. I notice a faint bruise on her cheek and suddenly feel really guilty. "I'm sorry, Mrs. McKormic." She opens her eyes and stares at me in shock, like she forgot I was even there. Her lips form a small, tired smile.

"Aw, there's nothing to be sorry about." She stands taller but there's still a weary look to her. "Kenny, you know I love you, no matter what decisions you make, but...your father..." She pauses and her smile falters. "I don't know how your father's going to take this."

He tenses beside me. "You're not gonna tell him, are you? Please don't tell him, Mom." I resist the urge to brush my fingers along his cheek.

The woman in the doorway laughs. "You think I'm crazy, son? Of course I won't tell him." The blonde visibly relaxes. "But..._please_ be careful, baby."

"I know. I will." Kenny sighs and leans back on the bed as she leaves. "God damn it...I'm sorry, Kyle."

I raise an eyebrow. "For what?"

"I don't _know_. I'm just sorry." He sits up. "You don't regret it, do you?"

I smile. "Of course not, dude. I don't regret anything, especially if it concerns you. That could be like, our motto or something. _Regret nothing_!"

He beams. "That's perfect!" He repeats it. "Yeah, it has a ring to it. You're so smart, babe." I blush and wave him off.

"Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say."

"Because it's true."

"Then why did I get a B on my Anatomy test last week?"

"Because you're smart. Dude, I'm pretty sure I failed that test." My jaw drops.

"Kenny! I thought you studied for that!"

"I _tried_, dude!" He grins. "But I kept thinking about you..."

I sigh. "You're going to fail that class."

"_Regret nothing_!"

"You're a moron."

**xxx**

**Short short short. I know. I promise the next update will be longer. *raises hand* Scouts honor.**


	13. Butters (Cartman)

**Cartman's POV**

**xxx**

"Butters, I have a job for you." He looks at me with those stupid nervous eyes of his.

"Y-yeah, Eric?"

I smirk. "I need you to do a little dirt-digging."

"Oh, I'm not real strong in my arms, Eric, but there's that kid who carries the shovel around with him all the time, maybe you could ask-"

"Not _that_ kind of dirt-digging, you moron." I grab the front of his jacket and pulls him close to me. "I mean blackmail. I want you to spy on the Jew. See what the hell he's up to. And I know he's up to something!" Butters eyes widen.

"L-like what?" he stutters. I roll my eyes.

"I don't know! If I knew that I wouldn't be standing here wasting my time talking to you!" There's a glint of hurt in his eyes, but I continue before he starts crying. "So I need to watch Kyle carefully, take notes. Especially when he's around Kenny or Stan. I have a feeling they're in this somehow, too."

Butters nods. "Is this like being a detective?" I shrug.

"Sure, whatever gets the job done." He smiles.

"Alright, I'll do it."

"Good."

xxx

"David's coming over to take me out to dinner tonight, honey."

I ignore her and continue trolling the other players in World of Warcraft. She takes this as an invitation to come and sit down on my bed.

"He's such a nice man, Eric," she gushes. "He said he'd help fix that leak we have down in the basement, and re-shingle the roof, and get rids of all those cats in the attic-"

"I don't want him in our house, Mom."

She stares blankly at me. "Oh, you're just not used to having a man around."

"That's not it, Mom. I don't _like_ Daniel or whatever the hell his name is, and I don't want him in this house, and I don't want you seeing him. He's a drunk bastard. Does he even know that you're a hermaphrodite?"

She gasps and stands up, and I don't look at her face. I pay attention to my computer screen. I hear a faint sniffle before she heads to my bedroom door. "He's a nice guy." She shuts the door.

David comes by later and tries to buddy up with me. "Hey, Eric, your mom's fucking hot."

The conversation ends pretty quickly.

He already reeks of alcohol and pot and who knows what else, when they leave for the night. Mom leaves some money for pizza and since I'm feeling a teeny bit generous, I invite Kenny over.

Mention anything about food and that kid is at your door in three seconds, banging like a madman.

I let him in and he flops down on my couch, looking very pleased about something. I chalk it up to the fact that this is probably going to be his first time eating in four hundred million years.

"Dude, I just had sex." _Oh_. I roll my eyes and turn on the TV.

"I don't wanna hear about your encounter with titties, Ken." He suddenly shuts up, and I'm about to ask why he's suddenly so quiet when the doorbell rings. He jumps up and thunders to the door, throwing it open.

"Craig! My sweet savior!" He takes the pizza box out of Craig's hands. The asshole flips me off and holds his hand out for money at the same time. I throw a twenty at him and he fumbles with the change.

"Tip."

"What?"

"What's my tip, you asshole?" I'm about to growl out 'You get no tip, you stoic, poker-faced faggot' but then I remember that he's on the baseball team with Stan. This could be very useful later on.

"Keep the change."

He frowns. "The pizza was only five dollars."

"Keep it."

He glares at me. "Why?"

"No reason, Craig, fuck! I'm just feeling generous, you asshole. Now get out of my face before I change my mind!"

He flips me off another time and slams the door. By the time I turn around Kenny's already on his third slice of pizza. I roll my eyes and sit next to him. "You're doing it all wrong, my poverty-stricken friend." He glares at me and I ignore it, picking up two slices and stacking them on top of each other like Oreos. "_This_ is the proper way to eat pizza. You get more in one bite, and it wastes less time."

He chuckles. "You also get freaking stomach indigestion." But he copies me and leans back into the couch, turning his attention to the TV. I see a glint of something gold on his chest and lean over to look at it more closely.

"You still have that thing?"

He glances down at the half heart necklace I gave him back in elementary. "Yeah." He looks at my neck. "You're still wearing yours."

"I'm only wearing it because I just never got around to taking it off," I say, waving him off. He smirks.

"Whatever you say, Eric."

xxx

"...And that's why Hitler was a pretty cool guy." I smirk at the rest of my classmates, most of whom are staring at me in shock. I close the powerpoint presentation and takes a seat, bumping into Kyle's desk on the way back to my own. He scowls at me.

"Um...very..._interesting_ presentation, Eric," the teacher mumbles. "It's definitely never been done before." She writes something down on her clipboard nervously and glances back up. "Clyde? Would you like to go next?"

He goes to the front of the room in a sombrero and a Sharpied mustache, and that's my cue to zone him out. "Hey Jew, how'd you like my presentation?" I tug on a curl sticking out from the back of his hat. He turns and scowls at me again.

"I hated it."

I feign shock. "Why? It's not like you're a Jew or anythi- oh wait, that's right, you are!"

"You are, too, you ignorant piece of-"

"AND CESAR CHAVEZ HELPED A LOT OF PEOPLE-" Clyde shouts, noticing that not everyone's attention is on him. The teacher jumps and Kyle turns back around to listen. Clyde continues in his normal nasally voice after a while. I tug on the curl again.

"You and Kenny are up to something."

His neck goes red and he keeps facing forward.

"I'm going to find out what."

He growls a little in warning.

"And when I do, you can bet that I'll use it to ruin your miserable life."

xxx

Butters has a notepad out at lunch. He's really not making this very secretive. But luckily, no one really pays him that much attention anyway. He watches Kyle and Kenny intensely, marking down their every little action. He attempts to wink at me and gives a thumbs-up. I roll my eyes and sigh, stabbing a spork into my slushy "mashed potatoes". I had to resort to eating the school's food today since my mom forgot to make my lunch.

"Stoley freaking beat me for first chair."

"No one cares, Jew."

"_I_ care, you asshole." Kenny points to himself and slings an arm around the redhead. Kyle shrugs him off, his face going a little pink. This causes me to raise an eyebrow. Butters scratches down onto the notepad furiously.

"Um...anyway, I-I'm gonna challenge him for it again." He glares over at the Melvin table, and for the first time I realize that Stan's sitting over there.

"Ey, what is that hippie doing? Doesn't he realize we can't be seen in public with him anymore?"

Kenny rolls his eyes. "He can sit where he wants, Eric."

I squint toward their table and frown. "Aw, gay! He's sitting between freakin' Joseph Smith and Luke Skywalker over there."

"Just shut up, Cartman," Kyle hisses.

"Aww, what's the matter, Jew? Scared your little best friend's gotta a new boyfriend in mind?" The look him and Kenny shoot each other makes me pause. _Interesting_... I see Butters scrawling it down in the corner of my eye and smirk. "Well, gentlemen, I have some business I must attend to. The life of a public hero is a busy one." I motion to Butters to stay and keep writing notes before heading off to plan out phase two of my plan.

**xxx**

**Must sleep now. The life of a student/housekeeper is a difficult one, but I shall triumph in the end. *holds fist in the air***


	14. Discomfort (Gary)

I don't own nothing, fools.

Gary's POV

xxx

"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!"

"Damn it!"

"Ha! Hand me the remote, Stanny boy." Kenny plucks it out of his hands and changes the channel to Nickelodeon. "Yes! Spongebob's on!" Stan and Kyle roll their eyes and share an amused look.

Kyle places a hand on Kenny's leg and the blonde smiles at him with what I've heard the blonde call 'the McKormick charm', while simultaneously quoting Plankton. "You freaking dork..." Kyle chuckles and squeezes Kenny's thigh before leaning into him.

I think they're a really cute couple.

Stan raises an eyebrow at Kyle's hand. "Whoa, Ky, when the hell did you become all touchy-feely?"

"Since we-" Kyle stops suddenly. "Nothing."

Stan smirks. "Since you what? _Tell me_, _Kyle_. I need to know."

Kyle's blush and Kenny's look of confidence tells me that it's something not meant for my ears. The blonde leans forward and whispers something in Stan's ear and I hum so I won't hear what it is.

Stan blinks and suddenly lets out a high-pitched squeal. "Oh my God, you did?! Kyle!" He throws his arms around his best friend and rocks him. Kyle blushes furiously at looks to me for help as he pats my boyfriend's back. I peel Stan off him and he latches onto me. "My boy's growing up!" The redhead rolls his eyes.

"Will you calm down?"

Kenny chuckles and shakes his head, glancing at me. "You guys done anything yet?" This sentence catches me off guard and I'm pretty sure my face is as red as Kyle's hair. "Aw, he's blushing. Is that a yes?"

"That's a 'none-of-your-freaking-business', Ken," Stan says, pulling away from me. "And no."

"So, _how's school_?" I decide to change the subject. This topic interests Kyle, and he talks about how he three tests tomorrow. Kenny's still smirking at Stan, though.

Suddenly the front door swings open and Stan's parents storm in, yelling. We all jump and Kyle pulls his hand away from Kenny, scooting away quickly.

"I don't see what the big problem is, Sharon! You act like it was a big deal!" Mr. Marsh shouts, and it scares me. I've never seen him looking like this - bags under his eyes, stained shirt, unshaven. Stan's mom looks like she attempted a pretty style this morning, but the now-stressed look accompanies her smeared make-up and tangled short hair.

"Because it _is_ a big deal, Randy!" They seem not to have noticed us, and Stan squirms slightly beside me. "When you disappear in the middle of the night and wake up in front of a-a...a _titty bar_, it's kind of a big deal!"

"I don't know _how_ I ended up there, Sharon! I told you this!" Randy crosses his arms. "I was at Jimbo's. Call him!"

Sharon rolls her eyes. "You're lying!"

"_Let's go to my room, guys_," Stan whispers, standing up. He glares at his parents.

"I'm not lying, Sharon, gall!"

"Shut the _fuck up_!" I jump, not expecting Stan to shout like that.

His parents stare at him in shock, but he's already retreating for the stairs. There's a short pause where we just sit in stunned silence. Kyle's the first to go after him, and Kenny and I follow suit.

Stan bangs open his bedroom door and sits on his bed, his hands in his hair. "Stan...you alright?" Kenny tries, but is ignored. The raven takes a few shaky breaths and I move to sit next to him.

"Stan, I-"

"Please, just...don't talk...not right now." I bite my lip and gingerly put a hand on his shoulder. He shrugs me off. "I'm _fine_." Even Kenny looks uncomfortable.

"Um."

"Can we just forget this?" Stan asks. He slides off the bed and starts digging under it. "Watch a movie or something?"

"...Sure." I feel slightly hurt by his sudden want to not be touched, but I conceal it with a smile. Until he pulls out a movie that screams 'torture'. "Um, why don't you pick out a comedy or something? You just need to laugh, it'll make you feel better."

He sighs and throws the movie back under his bed, crawling back under it.

"Why do you keep your movies under your bed?" Kenny asks, and I know he's trying to lighten the mood.

"That's where everything was shoved when I cleaned my room last."

Kyle chuckles slightly. "What, ten years ago?"

Stan comes out from under his bed, holding 'Stepbrothers' and smiling slightly. "No, last week, smartass." Kenny looks around the cluttered room in shock.

"You don't say." Stan laughs and smacks the blonde's arm. I'm amazed at how fast his mood has turned, and I know it's because Kyle and Kenny. I feel the tiniest twinge of discomfort from the fact that I had nothing to do with cheering Stan up.

"Wanna cuddle with me, Gare bear?"

"Sure..."

xxx

"Gary, are you alright? You seem kind of down. What's the matter, champ?"

I sigh. "It's just...nothing."

"Just nothing, eh?" He sits down across from me at the table and hands me a mug of hot cocoa. "For nothing, it sounds like an awful lot."

"My friend's just going through some rough times." He raises an eyebrow, motioning for me to continue. "His parents have been fighting a lot, and today he blew up on them and he just...seems sad. And I want to help so bad, but I feel like I can't do anything to help him."

He hums and thinks, sitting back. "Well, you know what the scriptures say. Ask the Lord in faith, and He will always answer you." He takes a sip of his cocoa. "It wouldn't hurt to talk to someone about it, either." He winks and stands up. "I'm going to help your mother with the dishes."

"Thanks, Dad," I mumble, and push my chair away from the table, leaving my hot chocolate untouched. I need to go pray.

xxx

**Why are the Gary** **chapters always so short?! *sigh***


	15. Hawiians (Kenny)

**Kenny's POV**

**xxx**

"I want pineapple on my pizza."

"Whoever heard of putting faggy fruit on pizza?"

"...The Hawiians?"

"Just stop while you're ahead, Stan."

We're sprawled out on Stan's bedroom floor attempting to watch a horror movie and order a pizza at the same time. I'm sitting with my back against Kyle's; he's trying to take our pizza orders on the corner of his math homework, which he's still attempting to do. Cartman and Stan are hitting each other half-heartedly while they snatch away from each other what we like to call the "good pillow" - it's a full body one that I assume Stan cuddles with at night when he's not sharing his bed.

"Hurry up and just pick something!" Kyle shouts, then remembers that his best friend's parents are sleeping downstairs. "Will they even be open this time of night?"

"It's Shakey's, Jew. Of course they'll be open." Cartman pulls the good pillow onto his lap and pulls at a thread. "I want the Meat Lovers."

"Dude, no!" Stan glares. "No meat."

"That's the whole point of a pizza!" Cartman cries.

Kyle sighs and bends his back to look at me for help. I hum. "We'll get two, then. One with meat, one with vegetables."

Cartman smiles smugly and Stan shrugs, resting his head on the pillow in the fat ass' lap. Neither seem to notice each other. Kyle sighs in relief and dials the number.

The only reason Cartman's here is because Gary's off doing...whatever Mormon thing he said he was going to do, and I didn't want Stan to feel like a third wheel while I made out with Kyle all night, so I just kind of invited _my_ best friend along. I _was_ going to invite Butters but he was grounded for making a stupid face again.

I'm just glad the idea of a sleep-over even came up, because today was Mom's payday, and that means a fresh supply of beer, which equals - according to my trigometric measurements - a bad time at the McKormick household. I walked Karen over to Craig's house, where she's going to spend the night with Ruby.

Kyle finishes ordering and throws his phone on the bedside table. "Welp, they'll be here in thirty minutes."

"Or our pizza is free," I add, and grin cheekily. "Kev and I used to purposely give them a slightly mixed up address, and then block our front door with that ratty couch outside so they'd be, like, two hours late and feel so sorry that we'd get free breadsticks, too."

"That..." Kyle rubs his head.

"-Is genius!" Stan finishes, laughing. "We should have Cartman just stand in front of the house - it will be perfectly hidden from view."

"Oh, that's real funny," Cartman scoffs. "More like they'll be so scared of my beefy muscles they'll just throw me the order and speed off to avoid my blood-thurst."

I can practically _hear_ Kyle roll his eyes. "Right." He goes back to his freaking AP IB Honors Calculus 8 homework. He hates it when I call it that.

There's a scream from the movie and I snap my gaze to it, watching a chick gets ripped in half. "Aw, dude, check it out! Her boobs are so sweet."

The only redhead in the room shoots me a look and glances at the screen. "Terrific."

Cartman stares on in awe as the girl is then put through a meat-grinder. "No, save the tits!" I cry, but it's too late: They're gone. "A moment of silence, please."

Stan clicks the movie off. "That's the third time a naked chick has died. This movie doesn't even have a plot-"

"A moment, please!" I yell, and bow my head. "Though they were fake, they were still good boobs, happy boobs. They liked that tank top, the pink one with the bow, and-"

Kyle smacks the back of my head and laughs. "Dude, _shut_ up!"

"You ruined a perfectly good eulogy!" I tackle him. "Now they will be in _unrest_. Do you want tits haunting you, Kyle? Do you?!"

"I-"

"I thought not!" I see Cartman watching us in the corner of my eye and quickly scramble off the redhead, taking my original place again.

Stan clears his throat. "I'm going to grab some snacks. Who wants to help?" He looks at Cartman.

"Help you get snacks...?"

"I think my mom bought those little sausages you like-"

"Let's go." Cartman heaves himself up and runs after Stan out the door and downs the stairs.

Kyle chuckles when they leave and playfully punches my arm. "You almost blew it, _dude_."

"I know, _pal_." I sigh and rub the back of my neck. "I just forget sometimes, you know? I'm used to kissing chicks in front of everyone and their mom. It's different being incognito."

The almost-ginger bites his lip and clicks his pen a couple times. "I know. We'll come out soon, I promise."

My heart skips a beat. "Really?"

He nods, and there's a trace of a smile playing at his lips. "Really, really." He grabs my shoulder. "But just give me a while to plans things out, alright?"

"Plan things out...? What a nerd. Ah well, who cares!" I smile widely. "Don't worry, we'll do it slowly."

"Do what slowly?" Cartman bursts in through the door, a plate piled high with Vienna sausages. Stan trails in behind him, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Slowly poison your food," I answer and pretend to gasp, clutching onto my secret boyfriend's shoulder. "Oh no, Kyle, now he knows our evil plot!"

"Should we kill him?"

"After I eat, assholes!" Cartman rolls his eyes and shoves a gross amount of food into his mouth. I feel my eye twitch just watching him.

"I'm suddenly not in the mood to eat." But I grab some sausages anyway and start eating. My stomach thanks me.

Kyle sighs and glances at the alarm clock. "Dude! That's it, I'm going to bed." He moves to sleep on Stan's bed, where he usually sleeps, but then turns his head to look at me. "I...uh, feel like sleeping on the floor tonight." Where I usually sleep.

I smirk at him. Cartman raises an eyebrow and mutters to himself, and Stan gives us a knowing look before hopping up onto his bed. "Finally, I don't have to share my bed with a Jew anymore."

"No, but you have to share it with a beefy man." Cartman turns off the light and flops down onto the bed, wedging the giant pillow in between them.

"That sounded really gay." The largest of us flips me off and closes his eyes. I smile and curl up next to Kyle, who's straightening a sleeping bag. He drops onto it and sighs happily, scooting a little closer to me than seems safe, but we don't care.

"Don't cross the pillow," Cartman murmurs to Stan. There's a grunt of agreement in reply. "I hate you, Stan."

"Night, Cartman."

I throw an arm over Kyle carefully, as if any sudden movement might alert the fat ass. "Night, Ky."

"See you in the morning, Ken." He yawns and I can see the trace of a smile in the dim light from the moon. I close my eyes and pass out.

xxx

**I am so unbelievably slooooooow at updating, oh mah gerd.**


	16. Tolerance (Stan)

**You know that song 'Kiss Me Through the Phone'? You all have permission to 'Slap Me Through the Internet' for how loooooooong it's taken to update this dang thing. And yes, Craig does have an important part in this later!**

**Stan's POV**

**xxx**

I'm woken up by the sounds of the doorbell. My heart accelerates as I stare at the body next to me. "Gary, did you gain fifty billion pounds overnight?!"

And then I remember it's just Cartman and the drumming in my chest slows down to a human pace.

The doorbell rings again, twice. I glance at the alarm clock, which says it is way too late for someone to be visiting my house. But it persists.

"Wait...you ass-tards, the pizza!" I scramble over Cartman like he's the last hurdle in an Olympic race and scoop his pants up from the floor as I race downstairs.

Digging into his pocket yields three candy bar wrappers, a plethora of crumbs, and twenty beautiful American dollars.

I open the door and scowl. "Tucker."

"Fag." He looks me up and down in an arrogant manner. "Why do you look like shit?"

"Your face is contagious, I hear." I lean against the doorway. "You're late," I try.

He looks at his wrist (which sports no watch). "I'm right on time. Early, even."

"Liar."

"Tip's fifteen percent for regular costumers, but you're special. You can give me twenty-five percent."

"Ain't my money." I hand him the twenty. "Keep the change. Get that face taken care of, would you?"

"Sure thing. Tell your mom I'll swing by later."

"She's already expecting you."

We smirk and I slam the door. Gotta love Craig.

I take the stairs back up like a wild flamingo doing a mating dance. "Pizza's here. You asshats forgot."

Kenny shoots up at the mention of food (or maybe because I trip and stepped on his ribs). "Gimme."

I drop down on top of sleeping Kyle and rest the boxes on his face. "Dig in."

Kenny takes two pieces of the meat pizza and stacks them before biting into them. "Mmm. Jewish-y."

"You're eating like Cartman."

"I'm a growing boy."

"Growing for Kyle."

"I'm _eating._"

"And I'm _awake_." The pizza boxes topple over as Kyle turns his head. He rubs his eyes and pushes me off his chest with annoyed hands. "What have I told you about sitting on me?"

"Can you blame him, Kyle?" Kenny defends, quickly running his hand over my best friend's chest. Kyle glares and glances back at my bed to make sure Cartman's still asleep. Passed out cold. I'm surprised the scent of food hasn't made him at least drool in his sleep.

"Careful, Ken," Kyle warns in a low hiss. "If Cartman finds out, he'll never let me live it down and not only will he-"

"I get it, babe."

Kyle sighs. "Thank you."

"But he's going to find out sooner or later, dude. When we come out-"

"You guys are coming out?" I ask excitedly. I can almost feel myself bouncing. "When?"

"When we're both ready." Kyle gives me a look that says to keep it down and I chuckle.

"When will that be?"

"When it happens." Kyle opens a one of the boxes of pizza and picks off a piece of pepperoni before popping it into his mouth. "Every question you ask can basically be answered with the same question."

"What are you talking about?" Kenny deadpans.

"What I'm talking about." Kyle grins. "See?"

Kenny and I shoot each other confused glances and Kyle rolls his eyes.

"Whatever, you guys are stupid. I need more intelligent friends."

"That's what Gary's for," I offer.

"That the reason you started dating him?"

"Yes, that's the only reason. To make Kyle feel like he can have a normal, smart-person conversation."

"And he doesn't even like him!" Kenny says. Kyle shoots him a deadly look.

"I do, too! Shut up."

"You didn't at first," I point out, and scoot backwards a little in case this angers him. It does and he swings his hand at me. "Hey! I'm just stating facts!"

"I just wasn't used to it, alright?" He pouts and crosses his arms. Our blonde friend chuckles and kisses the pout. I turn away, slightly embarrassed.

"Guys."

"See, you're still not used to me and Kenny being together."

"Yes I am." I shrug. "Just weird."

"That's how I felt!" Kyle throws his hands up and accidentally smacks Cartman's arm, jolting the large boy awake.

"Pizza?"

Kenny throws him the Meat Lover's box and Cartman whines when the contents spills onto his stomach.

"You guys didn't wake me when it got here? Assholes."

"We were having too much fun without you." He throws a piece of sausage at my face and I growl in disgust. "Keep your meat to yourself!"

Kenny chokes on the crust of his slice and bursts into laughter. Kyle rolls his eyes and pats his back and I hide a smile behind my hand. Cartman pretends he didn't hear anything and shoves half the pizza slice into his mouth.

"Where're my pants?" He swallows after only a few chews and it looks painful.

"Lent 'em to Craig. He's getting fat." I throw him his pants from where I dropped them after entering the room and he immediately digs through the pockets.

"Change?"

"Tip."

"Dammit, Stan, he gets enough tips from those chicks that hang around the shop!" But Cartman doesn't seem angry. In fact, he goes into deep thought and it kind of scares me.

Kyle catches the look and narrows his eyes. "What are you plotting?"

"What? Oh, nothing. Just thinking of a really good story Token told me today. Night." He stuffs the rest of the pizza into his mouth and turns away from us. Kenny and Kyle share a suspicious look and I shrug before climbing back into bed.

xxx

"How was your Mormon thing...or whatever you did?"

Gary rolls his eyes. "It was fine."

"What'd you do?"

"Mormon stuff."

"Interesting."

"Yes."

I drum my hands on my legs. "Are...you alright?"

He bites his lip and nods. "Yeah. Just not feeling...well, I guess."

"Sick?"

"I guess."

"What's wrong?"

He takes a deep breath. "Do you still feel sad?"

I frown. "Don't try and change the subject..."

"I'm not. This is related to why I'm feeling...weird." He puts his hand next to mine. I take it.

"I...no, only sometimes. I told you I was happy." I lean against him slightly.

"But the other day-"

"The other day was nothing. I just didn't want you guys to see that and I was mad that they'd do that in front of my friends and I couldn't help myself." I kiss him gently. "Are you mad because I shrugged you off?"

"No. I was just feeling sad, I guess, that I couldn't cheer you up."

"But you did, kinda." I sigh. "It just- I have no idea what I'm trying to say, Gary. I just felt...weird? Weird that you were there and that you saw that side of me, I think?"

"I have no idea what you're trying to say, either."

"I didn't want you to see me all depressed like that, so I guess that's why I was kind of ignoring you." He squeezes my hand.

"But I'm your boyfriend. We're in a relationship. I'm supposed to see that side of you, just like you're seeing my not-so-happy side right now. I'm not shrugging you off-" He stops, looking at me kind of guiltily. "But I _want_ to help you when you get that way. I don't want to just be there when you're happy and then fade out when you get stuck."

"I know." I smile and pull his hand onto my leg. "I won't shrug you off anymore. But I'm going to warn you now: I am the ugliest cryer."

"How, when your pouts are so cute?"

I laugh, greatly relieved that the tension's gone. I know it's important to talk about this kind of stuff, and of course Gary's going to want to do this often, but I get really uncomfortable with these kinds of things.

I squeeze his hand and he glances down at where they're entwined and

blushes. I move our hands slightly up my leg and his eyes snap up to meet mine. "Stan."

"Sorry." I stop moving. He sighs and leans in to kiss me. "You're not gonna wanna do _that_ anytime soon, huh?"

He bites his lip. "Well...I know I'm supposed to wait until marriage - get that hopeful look off your face right now, Stan-" He grins. "But...I was thinking about..._it_, and _stuff_-"

"So arousing." He swats me.

"Stan, this is serious!" His cheeks are bright red, and he waits awhile before continuing. "And I was thinking about _that_ kind of thing-"

"Sex?"

"I will..._tolerate_ you to death if you don't quit."

"I'll shut up."

"And I think I want to at least _try _it-"

"You do?!"

"Not now! Later!" He laughs at my face, which must look very disappointed.

"Later as in..."

"Later."

"Kay. I can wait." I smile and he puts a hand over my mouth.

"The happiness, it burns." He laughs. "I'm starting to think you only started dating me to get into my pants."

I lick his hand and he pulls it away. "Of course not! How could you even say that?!" I lean into him. "I _clearly_ got with you because of your hair."

**xxx**

**I tried to make it a little longer since the wait was sooooooooo veeeeeery looooong. **


	17. Hoity-Toity Rich Folk Stuff (Kyle)

**Kyle's POV**

**xxx**

"H-hey, Kyle, can I talk to you?"

I turn and raise my eyebrows at the small blonde. Butters fidgets and bumps his knuckles together. "Sure."

He glances around nervously before grabbing my sleeve and dragging me toward the bathroom.

"Hey, what are you doing?" I pull back away from him. His eyebrows furrow and he bites his lip. He almost looks terrified of something.

"Kyle, _please_, I need to talk to you really bad!"

"I gotta wait for Kenny, dude. Can't it wait?" He sighs.

"I-I guess. Can I c-call you later, or somethin'?"

I write my number down and give it to him. He smiles slightly and stashes it in the pocket of his turquoise coat before running off. "Hmm."

"What was that about?" I jump at Stan's voice and whip around.

"Nothing. Butters just being creepy again."

Stan kicks at the ground. "Yeah, he's been following you and Kenny around a lot lately."

"Really?" I wonder how I don't notice this. I'm supposed to be the observant one in our group. Maybe I've just been too distracted by Kenny to pay much attention to,well, anything going on around me. My grades can prove it. Mom's gonna freak when she sees that B in math, and she's already disappointed I'm not first chair in orchestra anymore.

"Yeah, really. But whatever, it's probably him going all Professor Chaos or whatever. Anyway, I need to talk to you-"

"Kyle, darling!" Kenny's voice echoes down the hall and makes us flinch.

"I'll call you later." And Stan saunters toward the double doors leading outside.

Kenny runs at me like some beast and slows only just slightly before crashing into me. "Damnit, Kenny, can't you behave like a normal human being for once?" But I'm smiling and he hugs me around the waist and he doesn't ask about Stan so I ignore it for now.

"Wanna come and and hang at my house? Mom'll be at work, and Kevin and Dad are going to Denver for wood to fix the roof. It's Monday so Karen has that weird club thing with Ruby." He raises his eyebrows suggestively. "We'll have the whole house to ourselves. Eh, Kyle?"

"The whole house to ourselves, huh?" I grin. "So we can totally play hide-and-seek!" The disappointed look on his face is priceless and I punch his arm roughly. "Sounds super."

He flinches from the punch - his hoodie's very thin - and chuckles. "Alrighty then. Hide-and-seek it is."

"You'll enjoy it," I say, and it almost sounds like I'm actually attempting to flirt. The nerd is in unknown territory.

"Oh, will I?" He smirks, and I can see the excitement in his eyes.

"Hey, calm down, cowboy, it's just a children's game. Don't desecrate it with your filthy mind."

"_My_ filthy mind?"

"_Your_ filthy mind." He chuckles and peppers kisses all over my face until I have to squeeze my eyes closed and turn my head away. "We're in school. Someone might see."

"Well, I can't help it if my mind isn't the cleanest thing around. I didn't grow up with _Mormons_, Kyle."

"I'm not saying I don't like your mind - that's one of the main reasons I fell for you - it's just that-"

"What other reasons did you fall for me?"

"Well, I really like how you _never_ interrupt me in the middle of a sentence. Gah, so adorable." I press my lips to his cheek as I make a list of other reasons in my head. "I guess your personality. Carefree, you know?"

He smiles.

"That's another thing. You're always smiling. Always finding some reason to, at least."

"Not really hard, when I think of you."

"Your cheesy lines are also very endearing." I hum and pull away, glancing up and down his body. "Your hair."

"My hair? This rat nest on top of my head?"

I smack him. "Shut up. You take care of it. I _know_ you don't just wake up every morning with that good looking bed-head." I pull at one of my own curls. "Better than mine."

He gasps. "But I love your hair!" He reaches for it and I smack his hand away.

"No." I hope I don't seem abusive.

"Darn." He snaps his fingers and turns away, looking like a scientist who's just found a cure for cancer, but it's in another galaxy. "I was so close."

"You can touch it all you want later."

"Really?" He grins.

"When we're playing hide-and-seek. Maybe. If you're good."

"When am I not good?"

I pull away because I can hear someone coming down the hall. Kenny leans back against the locker, acting nonchalant. He starts up in the middle of a conversation as Bebe, Wendy, and Heidi turn around the corner, chatting idly.

"-And Clyde started humping the lamp- oh, hello, ladies!" Kenny turns toward them, charming smile in place. It stirs slight jealousy that I can feel lurching in my stomach.

Wendy and Heidi roll their eyes, but Bebe squeals and runs to encase my boyfriend in a hug. "Kenny! It's been ages since we've talked!" I notice her pressing her chest against him, and he glances at me with a nervous face. I look to the ceiling and shrug.

Thankfully, Wendy tugs her back. "Alright, let's not forget that we're going to meet your _boyfriend_ Clyde." She glances at me and smiles. I turn the corners of my mouth upward, unsure if smiling at your best friend's ex is against the man-code or something. Bebe clings onto the other boy just a bit longer and I sigh impatiently.

"We have to go, too, actually." I grab Kenny by his hood and tug him toward me, much to Bebe's dismay. "See ya."

Kenny seems a little guilty as we make our way to his house, and he shouldn't be, but I'm still a little upset about Bebe's flirting so I don't say anything. It's only when he mutters a "sorry, Kyle" that I stop and turn to face him.

"Dude, it's not you're fault. Don't be sorry."

"But Bebe and I used to-"

"So? You're not doing that now." I smile. "And you did a good job of not giving into temptation. I know how much you like boobs. Especially Bebe's. So good job."

"Do I get a reward?" He beams.

I give him a look. "We'll see."

"So...yes?"

"We'll see."

"No?"

"What part of 'we'll see' don't you understand?"

He gives me a cheeky smile. "The part where I don't get a definite answer."

"Our relationship isn't math, Kenny. There is no definite answer." I smirk.

"So...it's more like science?"

"Sure."

We make it to his house and he kicks open the door. It must be tradition for him, if the various dents and scuff marks are any clue.

"Want something to drink?" he asks, already heading into the kitchen. "I got some 'hoity-toity rich-folk' stuff to go into the hot water."

I chuckle and follow him. "Hot chocolate?"

"Yep." He sets to work filling up the mugs and I sit at the table, glancing around his kitchen. There are cracks in the walls, and some holes that look a lot like the imprints a fist would make. The tiled floor's filthy, beer stains and crumbs littering it. It seems like it'd be torturous to walk through this room without shoes on. "So..."

His voice makes me snap my gaze back to him. He looks uncomfortable and kicks a few bottles out of the way as he brings the hot drinks to the table.

"Here."

"Thanks." I take a sip. It's the generic kind that tastes like chalk, but I smile and hum. "Mmm."

He copies me and the only sound is the splashing sound of water leaking through the roof and dropping into a bucket near my chair. He smiles. "We're fixing that tomorrow. That's why Kevin and Dad are out right now."

I nod. "That's great!"

Then there's silence again and I force myself to keep my eyes on him instead of looking around the kitchen again. I can't stand the silence. "Wanna go to my room?"

"Yes!" I say, maybe a little too enthusiastically, but he actually attempts to keep his room clean and it doesn't drip water and reek of alcohol.

He grins, probably mistaking my eagerness for something else, and grabs my arm, pulling me down the hall to the door with crayoned boobs covering it. We don't bother bringing our hot chocolate.

Once inside, he cups my face with both hands and kisses me deeply. I kiss back breifly before pulling away, moving to sit on the bed. He follows and gently pushes me down on my back. "Kenny..."

"Don't worry, we won't do anything." He winks and climbs onto my lap. "Unless you want to."

I shrug and his mouth curves into a smirk.

"Is that a yes?"

I shrug again and pull him down into a kiss. His hand runs up my leg and I gasp as I feel a vibration. He retracts his hand immediately, giving me a frightened look. "Dude, what the hell-"

"My phone!" I say, quickly pulling it out of my pocket. The blonde sighs loudly in relief.

"Jesus, Ky, I thought you had a-"

"Butters?" I frown in confusion until I remember that he wanted to talk to me. "Hello?"

"H-hey, Kyle." He sounds extremely nervous and his voice is strained, like he's trying to keep quiet. Kenny makes a cutting motion over his throat and I wave him off. "I-I really need to talk to you. Are you alone?"

"Yes." Kenny rolls his eyes and slides off me, allowing me to sit up. "What is it?"

"Cartman is onto you."

"What?" I try to keep my voice even. That could mean anything. It doesn't necessarily mean he knows about-

"I think he knows about you and Kenny."

"Oh. _Shit_." Kenny sits up, furrowing his brows. He's about to ask a question but I hold my hand up. "Butters...how do you know he knows?"

"I...I can't say."

"_Butters_."

"I gotta go, Kyle. I probably shouldn't have even told you, but I had to get it off my chest."

"What?! What the hell does that-"

"I gotta go. Sorry. B-bye!"

Silence.

Kenny's tugging furiously on my sleeve. "Dude, what _is_ it?" he whispers. I put my phone down and take a deep breath.

"Cartman might know. About us."

He brushes blonde bangs out of his eyes, thinking, before gasping loudly. "Oh, shit!"

"Yeah!"

"How do you know-"

"Butters told me. I think he had something to do with it-"

"What?"

"-but that's not important right now. We need to-"

"Oh my God, he'll spread it all over town before we're ready!"

"-see if he _actually_ knows anything, or if Butters is just playing-"

"My dad's gonna kill me."

"-some weird, sick, twisted joke on us, which is highly unlikely, but-"

"We need to go talk to Cartman right now!"

I take a deep breath, glaring at my phone. "That fatass. He's been staring at us a_ lot_ recently, we should've noticed it. We were being way too..."

"Obvious?" Kenny offers.

I sigh. "What should we do?"

He starts taking off his shirt.

"Kenny?"

His pants go next.

"What the hell are you doing?!" I shriek as he tugs his boxers down.

"I'm going to take a shower." I raise my hands in confusion. "I think best in the shower."

"Okay?!" I watch him leave the room, completely nude, and sigh, leaning back on his bed. I close my eyes, and jump when my phone goes off again. Oh, good. That'll be Butters saying 'April Fools!' and I can finally relax.

I look at my screen. It's Stan.

"Stan, you are _not_ going to believe what just happened!"

"...What?"

"Cartman might know about me and Kenny."

"...Oh."

"_Oh_?! Stan, this is a serious problem, and all you have to say about it is _oh_? My life is in danger here, damn it!"

There's a long silence, and I hear him sniffle.

"Stan?"

"Kyle..."

"Stan, what's wrong? I'm sorry I yelled, if that's it. I forget you're so sensitive, and-"

"Kyle, my parents are splitting up."

**xxx**

**Le gasp! Oh noes. The Plane of Drama has just Arrived in the Airport of this Fanfiction!**

**If you liked, don't be afraid to leave a review, fav, follow, etc. I appreciate it! :D**


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